Tasty Treat!

I love gingerbread and I love chai tea, so when I came across a recipe for Chai Gingerbread Bars I had to make them!  I'm sure you've seen these, because if you read this blog then you probably also follow Tasty Kitchen.  So, let me just tell you that they were good.  Mine turned out much more cake or bread like, making me think that  possibly I left something out, but it was still tasty so it doesn't matter.  Also, I made mine with light brown sugar instead of dark brown and regular flour because these were what I had (which could possibly account for the difference). 
People have rather liked them and the spice makes them a little refreshing and different from the sweety-sweets on the table right now.
They would also be perfect for a breakfast treat year round!

Chai Gingerbread Bars

A love letter to charcoal

It's the actual week of Christmas, so I'm guessing most of us are at the point where we have had so much rich and sweet food that we only want plain sandwiches or rice until the new year.  I know I was craving lemon sorbet last night because I wanted something tart and sour to combat all of the sweet (and I love the sweet!).

Well, this really is related - promise, yesterday I went to a Christmas meal full of super yummy casseroles.  I took a plate home for supper because the chicken casserole really was divine even if it was basically straight up cream and fat with a bit of chicken thrown in.  And because I trust these people.  They wouldn't make me sick, right?  I reheated this plate for supper and went to bed happy. 

Until about 3am.  Then, I was not happy.  My stomach was basically on fire and expanding and screaming at me.  I laid there for a long time until I finally woke up enough to go get some pepto to buy me a little sleep time.  When it was time to get up, I was in gross, unhappy pain.  So, I went to my charcoal tablets.
I was introduced to charcoal tablets by a lovely little Indian doctor lady at a doc-in-the-box in Arlington, VA.  I was there because my stomach literally felt like I had eaten rocks and they were just hanging out and rolling around in there.  This was at the point in my DC time where my body was acting out quite a lot because it wanted me to move home.  This lovely little lady told me that I didn't officially have a hole in my stomach, but I almost did.  Then, she told me I was a sweet girl and that I should go home and get out of that place.  After that, she told me to always keep charcoal tablets handy.  She said she never travels without them, particularly since you might not know what you'll be eating when you travel. 

Basically, the charcoal soaks up the toxins and gas in your stomach and helps control the culprit of the pain.  Be careful, because you can't take it immediately before or after you take other medicine because it will soak that up too and keep it from working.  Also, if you ever actually get tested for salmonella or E. Coli, which I have been, it can mess with the test results because of how it soaks everything up. (But it also meant I made it through until I got to the doctor).

You can find it in most pharmacies, but it may be with the herbal supplements.
I took some today, and it totally saved the day!  And, it allowed me to take part in my office's Phillippino Christmas lunch, prepared by our Phillipinno Momma (one of my coworkers).

The Tough Stuff

It's not grand a revelation that some relationships are challenging.  Particularly the ones we can't hide from.  We've all got one. What do you do when you really love a person but have no clue what to do?  And you want to love them while not losing yourself or becoming a freak of anxiety?

With this particular relationship, I am a different person than I am with any other person on earth.  I wouldn't even recognize myself if I didn't know it was me.  I had a major struggle with this yesterday.  I was being ugly inside, and it was in my face that I was being ugly.  This was even more shocking to me after a blessed weekend of revelation and healing at a retreat.  The truth was that I had an ugly thorn that I needed to pluck out.

At church, we sing a song that includes the line "Break my heart for what breaks Yours".  I have always thought to myself that this is a powerful prayer that none of us should sing flippantly or without true consideration.  This line came to me after being frustrated at realizing just how ugly (angry, fearful, unforgiving,controlling, misplaced) that dark spot was in my heart.  (But, thankfully, I didn't take up shame and condemnation about it - just realized it was there and couldn't stay.  Big thanks to God and Brooke's blog post yesterday for this one.).  Then, God showed me how that ugly breaks His heart, and in turn it broke my own heart.   (Hope you can follow this - it was a bit like having my heart look at itself in a 3-way mirror).  Then, He showed me just a glimpse of how much His heart breaks for that person and it gave me infinite more freedom to love that person and feel compassion.

How to love this person with established boundaries is still another issue, but my heart is now free to love.

Authenticity

Here's a moment of being real - since ladies need those.  My friend gave me a nail polish for Christmas last night and testing a new nail color on my thumb is just plain fun, so I did it.  Especially since it matches the dress I wore today.  Then, of course, I didn't stop to remove the nail polish.  Instead, I bring it with me to work thinking I can paint the rest of my nails there.  But, of course, I have actual work to do at work, and I don't relaly think that's an ethical use of work time.  I could use my lunch break, but I have a meeting during lunch. 
So, my bets are currently 5 to 1 that my left hand will look like this for the rest of the day:

Although, hopefully less odddly extended.

You Rescued Me

The past week has proven to me that God:

• still reigns,
• still sets people free,
• still loves us more than we could ever imagine,
• longs for us to live in a law of love,
• cherishes our hearts to pieces,
• is inifinitely mysterious

no matter how we think or act, or how cynical we get in our modern world.

And I'm a big 'ol sobby beautiful mess over it.  And I'm finally old & free enough that it's just fine with me.

Pretty Cookies!!

Piping cookies with royal icing is one of the things on my bucket list.  I thought about starting to try this Christmas, but I think my Christmas list already has sufficient unrealistic expectations and why upset myself? 

This Bakerella blog post brought joy to my heart.

So did this Pioneer Woman post about a Christmas Cookie how-to class:  Piping cookies

Chicken and Dumplings?

You may not share this experience, but I have found Chicken and Dumplings to be very controversial.  Perhaps even as controversial as whether or not to put sugar in cornbread.

This started long ago with my mother's chicken and dumplings.  You see, she only made for reals ones like once in my life.  She claims they are too much work and left the real chicken and dumpling making to my Mamaw (which I have a story about for another time).  Most often, my mom would throw really random (and sometimes scary) stuff in a pot and call it chicken and dumplings and make me eat it.  It was really about the only thing I rebelled about during my teen years.  Once, my friend Tara was over and she asked what was in the pot and my mom told her "Chicken and Dumplings" and she said "Um, no it's not."  She still comments on my facebook about it, 15 years later. 

Then, in my college years, I ran across a recipe for Chicken and Dumplings in a cookbook that sounded absolutely nothing like them.  It sounds like a lovely chicken soup recipe with some biscuits thrown in , but it's not chicken and dumplings.  This recipe was very similar to the recipe posted today on the Pioneer Woman's blog.  It includes carrots, celery, onions, tumeric, thyme, and parsley.  And the dumplings include cornmeal.  Again, it sounds lovely, but it's not chicken and dumplings.

What are real chicken and dumplings?  They are the dish most similar to what is popularly served at Cracker Barrel (although theirs are super thick and could use some more salt, and they use biscuit and chicken strips out of mass production convenience).  They are composed of chicken, drop biscuits, and creamy goodness.  You can get away with the bought dumplings as long as you buy one of the brands made by small plants in the South, particularly the ones with the old lady and the scriptures on the bag. 

As I write this, I am a total hypocrite.  I have never made real chicken dumplings all on my own, I've just helped a bit.  Perhaps I should try it.

I tried to find a photo to go with this post - but none of them looked real or appetizing.  And a lot of them had peas in them.  Again, I like peas, but not in my dumplings.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Hello to the land of people that know this blog exists and actually read it :).

I've had enough in my mind the past few days to make an excessive amount of blog posts.  Until I sort all of that out, I will leave you with this very insignificant thought:

I have not watched Bama Belles on TLC and I really don't want to.  I don't want to join the legions of Alabama women that are ill that TLC has decided to put this on television.  In order to save my emotions and blood pressure for things that really are more important, I will just act like it doesn't exist...

(I must add the disclaimer that these types of things are usually on a marathon during Christmas and I often fall into tv marathons that are a waste of my time - so I may actually watch this in the future).

Hookers for Jesus

Is it weird that I want to be this lady's friend? 

Hookers for Jesus on the Today Show

Why should I care?

If you are my friend, and you most likely are if you ever see this, then you have probalby heard at least one of my HIV/AIDS soapbox rants.  If so, thank you for listening.

I could write on this extensively, but today I won't.  You're welcome :-).

I will say that today is World AIDS Day, and that Alabama is part of the world.  Approximately 17,000 cases of HIV/AIDS have been reported in Alabama (which means that there have most likely been at least 20,000 if estimating the unknowns).  To get a better understanding of what these means, the number of persons with HIV/AIDS in the state have totaled the population of cities such as:  Fairhope, Talladega, or Selma.  If any other cause wiped out this many Alabamians, we would not ignore it, so we cannot ignore the number of preventable cases of HIV.

Also, it is important for people not at risk to talk about it in order to diminish stigma.  There is at least one person in this state that falls out of disease management because she is still so afraid of people knowing her status.  She contracted the disease from her ex-husband and is a normal, productive member of society that has a home and goes to work everyday.  But she doesn't make her visits to her case manager or properly stay in treatment because to do that she would have to go places that people with HIV/AIDS go.  And someone might see her.  And then what?  This makes me so sad because it means that there is a woman out there shortening her life because of fear of shame and condemnation.  I feel like there is so much love and mercy that she is keeping herself from.  Breaking the stereotypes that say only a certain kind of person has HIV means that more women like this one can live a longer life.

Today, I am overwhelmed by the mercy and grace of God in Christ Jesus, and that this mercy and grace is why I am alive and healthy.  I encourage us all to make choices for life instead of death, no matter what that might look like in your life.  It might mean getting tested or ending a relationship.  Or, it might just mean holding your tongue in the workplace.  Let's choose life all around :).

Crazy Christmas Crack

I had been thinking I wouldn't get overwhelmed this Christmas and would have somewhat realistic expectations.  I'm not doing as well at this as I'd hoped. 

I was up until midnight comparing Christmas card choices and I'm to participate in a Christmas bazaar this Friday.  Someone lovingly signed me up for a booth selling preserves.  I do love to make these and yes, I do secretly want my own line of jam, but I have no fruit for this at the moment and that has consumed most of my thoughts today.  And, I'll be up at night making stuff for this booth throughout the week. 

Furthermore, I have just discovered that I'm a stocking snob.  I had no clue.  However, much like buying a house told me I was a snob about lighting purchases, decorating my first house for Christmas has shown me I am officially snobby about stockings.  Thankfully, I spent only about 15 minutes choosing a tree skirt and I'm happy with my choice. I am not allowing myself to look at those at Target or Hobby Lobby so that it stays that way.

I am choosing to have a good attitude about missing 2 pretty spectacular Christmas parties and one cool fundraiser in order to help with the retreat for my small group.  I made this committment in August, and it will significantly change people's lives for the long-term, so I don't have any regrets.  And while I would love attending all 3 of the other events, I know myself well enough to know that I would attempt to make all 3 (one of which requires a costume - which I would want to be really good & spend a lot of time preparing), thereby making myself so anxious I wouldn't truly have fun. 

Meanwhile, my dog may stage a revolt if she's subjected to any more Christmas pictures.

Dressing Time

So, I did it.  I made dressing.  And, it was edible!  The pressure of making my favorite food was fairly intense.  I mean, let's face it, dressing is either really good or not worth feeding to a stray dog - very rarely does it fall in the middle.  The process took place over a few days (with the advance bread baking and drying and all) and included multiple phone calls to my mother.  That's why these pictures were all taken with my iphone - because that was the easiest way for her to give me immediate feedback :-).

Let's begin:

This is the bread all broken up and stirred up.  It includes 2 skillets of corn bread, 1/2 a pan of Sister Schubert rolls, and 4 or 5 biscuits.  I used yellow corn meal to make the dressing a pretty color.

I boiled 3 chicken breasts and then let me cool and shredded them into bite size pieces.  I know, a grandmother wouldn't use chicken breasts because you don't get as much flavor.  However, they were buy one get one free at Winn Dixie, and dark meat grosses me out, so there ya go.  I added lots of chicken broth to make up for it.  Including this:

I poured half of it over the bread and the other half over  Mathilda's food for her Thanksgiving treat.  It was also a treat for me because it meant I could stretch out her wet canned food until I was able to make it to the store again.  She doesn't get wet & dry food mixed because she's spoiled - really - I promise.  She compulsively hides dry food and won't eat until she has almost starved herself, so I have to mix something in to make her eat.

In the next step, I sauteed onions and celery in butter then threw them in with the bread and chicken.  Yum, yum.  At this point, I also stirred in a heaping teaspoon (at least) of poultry seasoning, 3 cans of cream of chicken soup, and 2 cans (I think) of chicken broth.  Then, I put it in the refrigerator to set and soak up flavor overnight.

Now, comes actual Thanksgiving morning.  I tasted my mixture and decided to add a touch more poultry seasoning, but not too much.  Then I started adding the eggs.  My mom said you need 1 egg to every 2 cups of bread mixture.  I had no clue what that really meant for me.  I could hear one of our relatives in the background talking about how the eggs are the most important thing and it won't set with out them and I best make sure I had enough eggs.  I added 5.  I think that I added 2 more after that out of fear, with a total of 7.  Then, my sister told me that was way too many eggs.  Oh well.  It all turned out ok.

Here it is all spread out in a giant turkey roasting pan.  I baked it on 330 (yes - random - there was much discourse on 325 being too low and 350 being too high - so I went with 330) for about an hour and 15 minutes.  I didn't want to overbake it because it was going to go back in the oven later since it was about 10am and it wouldn't be eaten unitl 6:30 pm and at somebody else's house.

Voila.  Yummy, tasty goodness.  Yes, it has a hole in the center because I couldn't figure out whether it was done.  And yes Brad, that is my spoon rest in the back, because spoon rests are very necessary - trust us - Erin & I know what we're talking about.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Not so fun times at Great Bridge Junior High (before it became Great Bridge Middle School North Campus, of course)

There has been much ado about bullying lately.  It's a very sensitive topic for each person speaking out because it is an intensely personal experience if you have been bullied.  It happens most often because somebody else does not like who you are - and how do you get more personal than that?

I don't know if there truly has been an increase in actual occurance, but I agree that something is different, particulalry in consequences, for so many youth to be killing themselves.  It's an unfortunate byproduct of our rapidly changing society mixed with technology.

It all makes me very thankful that I made it through junior high as well as I did.  There is no other way to say it other than 7th and 8th grade pretty much sucked (although, that may be true for everybody).  I usually tried to protect my parents from how bad it really was because I didn't want them to feel guilty for moving or not having more money, and I didn't want to bother them.  I'm sure similar silence mixed with denial is what keeps parents unaware until something tragic happens.

I was picked on quite frequently for being different, for a long list of reasons, but that is true for most of us in junior high.  The actual bullying was largely attributable to one girl and her friend that she controlled.  I honestly don't remember their names now.  This girl was a couple of years older and just plain mean.  She smoked and acted like she carried a knife.  I never could quite figure out why she maked fun of me for how I looked given that she looked like a stereotypical early 90s Nascar fan with too-tight acid wash jeans and fluffy hair.  The girl she controlled was very tall and overweight with freckles and short hair on top and a buzz cut around the sides.  I think she was secretly very sweet, just so desperate for acceptance.  Mean girl lived one street over and they both rode my bus.

Everyday there was some new scare tactic, but I had no option but to ride the bus (which was full of other freaks - but there's no need to expound on that right now).  For example, one day she unlocked all of the hinges on my saxophone case so that everything fell out of it and rolled around the bus floor when I stood up for my stop.  If she didn't actually "do" something to me, then she would sit in the seat in front of me and stare at me, asking over and over again why I was so happy and why I smiled all the time.  Or why I dressed the way I did, or why I was a Christian, or why I wore gold jewelry, or why I talked so stupid.

Finally, after several months of this, she told me that we were going to fight on a certain day and I was to meet her at the trails at 4:30.  (The trails were a series of trails in a field between our neighborhood and the main highway behind it.)  I still hadn't told my parents and pondered what I should do on the fight day for over a week.  So, on fight day, I got off the bus and went straight to my mom and told her everything.  She decided that instead of showing up at the trails at 4:30, that we would show up at her front door at 4:00.  Her mom was home, and my mom told her everything while the mean girl sat in the corner of the couch, seemingly shrinking by the second.  The next day, we all met in the principal's office and mean girl and her friend were both suspended.

This gave me a reprieve for some time.  A while later, she leaned over her friend and towards my seat and mouthed a long list of cuss words and how she was going to kill me.  I just went to the principal again and she denied it but there had been too many witnesses for too long and she was starting to lose control over the other girl, so she just got suspended again.  That was the last time she bothered me and then she faded into oblivion.     

I know at least one of my nephews goes through similar experiences these days.  It breaks my heart because he can't always help how different he is.  While he has a lot of problems, he also has a beautiful heart that challenges me to be a better adult. Those kids don't know who they're talking to.

My favorite food

Chicken and dressing is my favorite food.  The end.  And like most folks, my mom's is my favorite.  I really do think hers is the best and that she could win a national contest.  Do not tell me different or I will punch you.
Given my affinity for dressing, you can imagine my concern when I heard that nobody was bringing it to a friend's Thanksgiving dinner.  So, I volunteered.  This is a tad daunting.  I mean, I can cook - but can I cook dressing?  Good, Southern Momma dressing?  And how come, despite all of my extreme Southerness, I'm exceedingly bad to average at making cornbread?
Last night, I baked a pan of biscuit and 2 pones of cornbread in preperation.  I think I'm going to wait until tomorrow to make the chicken.  Thankfully, someone has left behind a giant metal bowl at my house, so I have something to stir it up in. 
Let's hope that the miraculous balance of seasoning to bread to egg to chicken passes itself down to me.

Red is my favorite color

I made my first batch of Red Velvet Cream Pies for today's work Thanksgiving luncheon.  People went crazy over them and they blew up my facebook page.  The amazing thing is that they were so easy and fun to make!!!

These turned out a little fluffier than the ones in the Tasty Kitchen picture.  I also noticed that the ones that baked on parchment paper on my slightly cheaper cookie sheet were flatter than those that baked on a silpat mat on my Wilton cookie sheet - so I had to match the sandwich pieces by cookie sheet.  I didn't use the marshmallow filling, but made a standard cream cheese icing for the filling instead.  However, I did make sure and add some salt to the icing to balance all of this sweetness.  If I had made these for my family, I would have rolled the sides in toasted pecan pieces.  Yum, yum!   These are so fun and I encourage you to try them yourself!  I'll be making more to sell at our work Christmas bazarre and at the Christmas floral design class we're throwing to raise money for my friend G's missions trip.

Another random red side note - it is my favorite color and I love to wear it.  I was reading a fashion blog about how most people don't wear red and designers have stayed away from it for years but it's starting to pop up some this winter.  Then, they went into directions on how to wear the color red.  I found all of this funny because I had to have a red intervention in college because it's pretty much all I wore.  What can I say - I'm from Alabama.  And my dad and my sister loved red and everything my family ever bought was red - cars, bicycles, blankets, you name it.  Granted, we do have dark hair and I think that makes it a little easier to wear.  This year, I'm super excited about my new red dress.  I've had it for a while now, but still not worn it.  But, that's ok, because I have big plans for this dress on World AIDS Day (December 1st) and my church's Dream Team Christmas party.

Go forth and eat yummy treats while wearing a red sweater.  It will change your life for the better :). 

Company

So, I have officially successfully (I think) hosted people at my house!!  This is a very big deal in my world.    I only stopped to take one picture, and that was of the lovely Johnsons.  I haven't downloaded it yet, or I would post it here.  I was proud of myself for actually relaxing a bit and having fun and not making it an ordeal worthy of a Southern Living spread (which is the continuous standard in my head).  Although, my guests did make me stop apologizing for making them drink out of real glasses instead of solo cups, so I still have some work to do.

Thinking about having people in my home made me think of the Southern use of the word "company", pronounced "cump-knee".  I suppose that the rest of the world simply says "guests".  I guess you don't hear it quite as often as before, particularly since we don't tend to call each other's home phones or just drop by like we used to.  This has done away with the need to say "Oh well, you've got company, so let me go on." or "You know what, I've got company.  Can I call you back?"  Without company, what are Southerners to do to get out of awkward social situations these days?

Miss Clairol is a fair-weathered friend

I have been coloring my own hair since sometime in 2006.  Up until recently, this had gone pretty well.  In fact, my biggest disasters had taken place when I'd paid somebody to do it, and you have to pay them a lot.  So, I'd mastered the home box color.
Then, Loreal went and stopped making my color.  This was really unfair since it was the only thing I'd found that was my actual hair color and didn't make me look like a goth queen. 
I tried one new color, and I thought it went pretty well, so I bought it a 2nd time.  Or, at least I thought I bought the same color, but maybe I didn't because I wound up with dark brown hair with black and purple snow leopard spots.  After several intense shampooings, I could go out in public.  Then, a few weeks ago, I applied the root touch up that I thought best matched my hair, but I was wrong.  This morning, I decided to tackle my tri-colored mane.  Maybe it was post-traumatic stress, but it was as though I'd totally forgotten how to color my hair.  Thankfully, I think it turned out ok, but I haven't looked at the back yet.  And I definitely ruined a tank top in the process.  And perhaps stained the wall a little. And I'm glad the bathroom tiles were already dark and swirly...
Maybe I've gone and got a grown up house and unwittingly left the cheap hair-coloring-able part of myself back at my apartment.  I think it's time for me to relent to professionals. 

Glamorous

My morning has been so very far from glamorous that it cracks me up.  Not that I often go about having glamorous mornings, but still.
It started with sinus mess that has been hanging on waaaay too long deciding to get worse.  Then, I had to go to the dentist and get a filling.  Makeup application did not get to happen before this filling.  Getting a filling when you're coughing and stuffy is not fun, because you know, otherwise fillings are loads of fun.  Next, I realized that pretty much the only time I approve of using drugs to avoid a situation is when in the dentist chair.  If they didn't gas me there's no way I could stay in that chair for those shots!  I remember laying there all spacey and thinking "That thought was hilarious, I should blog it!" - but like I remember what any of those actual thoughts were :).
The real smooth moment came when I was trying to pull in the parking lot at work and began coughing, which was super weird because I could only feel half of my throat - but that half was seriously barking!  Then, I started sneezing really hard.  Then I noticed that I had a major nose bleed.  I've never been so happy to find a parking space.  Ever.  I stayed in my car until I was no longer so disgusting.
Once I came in, I discovered that the meeting I was rushing to had just been cancelled, but they would still provide our lunch.  It's really qutie a blessing that we didn't meet because that saved me from the certain embarassment of trying to eat a sandwich in front of people with a half-numb face.  Thankfully, I was able to attempt this in the privacy of my office and laugh at myself the whole time.
How come we never hear of Sophia Lauren having these moments?  I know she had to have.  At least once.

Bake, I Shall!

I just had a small ephiphany during my lunch break.  I had gone to Hobby Lobby to return the items I purchased for a Halloween costume that I never made.  While standing in line, the burden of my desire to make wonderful crafty things for everyone I love and for every Christmas bazarre I'm invited to participate in (strangely, 2 this year) was starting to bear down.  Then, I had a very grown up and realistic idea - why don't I just do what I enjoy and what I can do and leave it at that? 

Here is what I can do with confidence:

• bake
• make preserves
• paint stuff that I'm told how to paint
• sew if my machine works and my mom is there to re-thread my needle tell me what to do and cuts my patterns since I can't cut worth diddly.  Seriously, I got sent home with "cutting" homework in elementary school.  Maybe I should take this one off the list.
• tap dance.  This one doesn't seem to be in much demand this Christmas.

Since finding fresh fruit can be a challenge during the winter, why don't I just bake?  I have decided to set my abilities towards 2 things:

• learning to make sourdough cinnamon roles
• making a variety of "whoopie pies".  These are really just sandwich cookies, and evidently they are a very northern thing to do.  According to their blog popularity, I think they are the next cupcake of the baking world.  They seem easy, yummy, and real.  I don't know how I feel about the northern thing, so I'll call them "Whoopie pies, y'all!"
• I may throw in an occasional mini-bundt cake because I've got a cute pan for those and they're fun to experiment with.

I've previously posted about the cinnamon rolls.  The sandwich cookies come from my recent food blog addiction and the need to bring something different than everybody else for our epic work Thanksgiving lunch.  I looked at the list, and the entire first floor is bringing a variety of pumpkin pies and pumpkin bread.  Therefore, I shall bring Red Velvet Whoopie Pies, which I shall call Red Velvet Cream Cookies, Y'all! 
Happy November 10th.

(From Tasty Kitchen - under the Holiday section.  So what if they are suggested for Valentine's Day?  And, I'm substituting the listed marshmallow cream filling for a cream cheese filling).

It's Christmas Time, Pretty Baby

It is almost time to sing along to the Elvis Christmas album freely and without shame.  This is very exciting.

Have you started your Christmas shopping?  I feel like I'm getting a rather late start this year.  I haven't even had time to think about it!  Yet, 2 friends have asked me if I've started yet and asked for my advice on what to give certain people.  Guess I better catch up!

In the past, I've chosen something I think is really cool and bought it in bulk for the people closest to me.  Last year, I tried to only give gifts that were handmade by a local or relatively local artist or that were from a company I believed in. 

I haven't decided what I'll do this year, but I'm pretty sure I'll pare it down again this year and give smaller, meaningful gifts.  I may also throw in something practical or something that person would otherwise need to purchase for themself.  I know that may not seem as "fun", but these days I think people appreciate the practical a little more. 

I've already told my mom what I want for Christmas.  I want one of the hand-hammered dog tags that you can order at Heritage House.  Mathilda has long since lost the plastic one I purchased for her as a puppy.  She most likely ate it sometime in her first year of life. 

Joy Bombs and Fireworks

I dragged myself to a mandatory training this weekend in a not-so-thrilled state.  I really wanted to be at home in my pajamas and in my bed.  Thankfully, God had plans to change my attitude.  The leader was so excited to share with us what God had been revealing to her for the past 3 months.  She felt that for the first time she was really grasping just how big God's love is and that this sometimes overwhelms her and she has little "joy bombs."  As she was trying to explain this, it made me think of the new Katy Perry video for "Fireworks".  I'm not necessarily a big Katy Perry fan, and I almost never see music videos anymore, but I had seen this one.  The video is kind of weird, but it has fireworks coming out of people to represent the good stuff in them.  To me, these joy bomb and fireworks images are very much how I visualize the joy of the love of God and the Holy Spirit radiating out of us.  There are times when you're just downright sparkly because you're in awe of The Love. 
It also made me think of when I become overwhelmed by God's love.  Buying my house has definitely been one of those moments.  I just happened to see it one day and it was everything on my dream list (except for covered parking) and I walked in and felt at home.  God even threw in a porch swing as an extra hug - just to be lavish - just cause He can.  And I love that the house was built when I was a little girl, because to me that signifies that God knew it would one day be for me and a place for that little girl to be safe and cozy as an adult.  For me, that's a huge joy bomb firework.
I had another one last night, when 2 of my firends gave me a housewarming present.  It was a Cuisinart 4 cup coffee pot.  I was so excited that it was mine.  I was the first owner.  It had a stainless steel carafe with an automatic shut off feature.  And it was Cuisinart!  They were like "Um, you do realize that you registered for this, right?"  I know that I did, but I didn't register expecting to actually get anything or have people really spend money.  I just thought, "Oh, wouldn't it be lovely and fancy to have this?".  But, it turns out that God loves me, and He also has folks on this earth to show His love to me. 
I pray that you are blessed with tons of your own joy bomb fireworks!

Image from:  firework picture link - I went with this one because it had a .gov & I thought it was less likely I was stealing

Smurf me a glass of smurf

I don't know why I've always remembered this line from the Smurfs, but I have.  If I remember correctly, it comes from a scene where Brainy Smurf is trying to teach a new person the proper use of the term "smurf".  This is what I think of every time someone tries to explain the proper and appropriate usage of "Roll Tide."  Strangely, the word "Aloha" does the same thing for me since it can be used to mean hello or goodbye.

According to this article, ESPN has pretty much come to the same conclusion - minus the little blue people.

ESPN making Roll Tide commercial

Mmm...cimmannonon

I have a few goals in life that I have not yet tackled.  I haven't made a quilt, I haven't figured out my Mamaw's tea cake recipe, and I've never made sourdough bread.

I'm very sentimental about sourdough bread.  For one thing, it's just so stinking good.  But it was also quite literally "the bread of life" for me when I missed the 6th grade due to illness.  (I like to think this is the year when everybody learned world history, geography and preliminary sentence diagramming since I've never been good at those.)  There was a lady in our neighborhood that made sourdough rolls and sourdough cinnamon rolls.  Basically, it was like having my very own Sister Schubert.  At first, her bread was just about all I could eat.  Later, I just continued eating :). 

Ever since, I go around to very beautiful homeade cinnamon rolls asking rather eagerly "Are you made of sourdough?"  So far, none of them have been.  This summer, one catering company at the farmer's market promised me theirs were and the lady at that table turned out to be a big fat liar.  I was quite upset about it, really.

Blog posts of cinnamon rolls seem to be all around me, tempting me.  And, the holiday season is coming up and I must create something to bake in mass quantities.  So, I think it might be time to attempt sourdough cinnamon rolls.  I will keep you updated...and quite possibly show up at your door and force some upon you. 

Vote!

I think I'd probably vote anyway, but the "I Voted" sticker sure does help.  If they started putting a little sparkly glitter on the American Flag, I might even try to vote illegaly to get more than one :).

Most of all, I'm thrilled that I am peacefully able to drive to the community center, talk to the sweet older ladies assigned to my end of the alphabet, have a say in my government, and drive away with my sticker.

In retrospect, I'm a little ticked at myself for not writing myself (or anybody I like) in for a state senate race that I'm not too thrilled over, but oh well.

My Word!

Last night's LIFE group was all about God's word.  The ladies started discussing how the Bible tells us to put God's Word on our wrists and our forehead and on our doorposts, etc., etc., etc.  The Jewish people were really awesome at this and integrated it most everywhere.  We were wondering what that looks like for us these days.  There are lots of artsy and talented ladies in our group that have beautiful ways of integrating scripture into daily life.  Evidently, my approach is to use my scripture desk calendar and proudly display the beautiful things that the other ladies make :). 

After the discussion, I decided to wear my locket today.  I really love lockets and my mom gave me one for Christmas a few years back.  I couldn't figure out how to open the sides to put in pictures, so instead I typed up a scripture in tiny font, printed it out, and closed it in a la fortune cookie style.  I went with Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

On another note - I'm making a peacock costume tonight.  We'll see how this goes...

Should I be worried...

that my morning spiritual revelation came from a Taylor Swift song?  I think maybe so. 
Despite being a wee little one, she has a line in a song that says "32 is still growing up now". 
Amen Taylor, Amen.

The Crazy Music These Days

I've always considered myself a music person (even if I'm so out of the loop these days), and I have been at times indignant and fascinated by the changes that technology has brought to the industry of music.  (Yes, I still love holding a real live cd & sitting down to read the liner notes, songwriters, and musician credits). 

This morning, my music thoughts were focused on Taylor Swift.  It's true.  Mostly, I was concerned that she may be confused and conflicted as to which song she should be promoting during her current album promotion.  She was singing on the Today Show and I was wondering how she'd know which song to sing first.  Radio Singles still exist, and are strangely  more and less important at the same time.  Since people have the option to buy just one song, they often buy the only one they've heard on the radio or while they are shopping at the Gap.  At the same time, with an artist as big as this, releasing all the songs at the same time means people can create buzz for all your songs at the same time.  So, she technically has one song and music video in rotation, but people are talking more about 3 of her other singles.  Perhaps I've thought about this a little too much.

I also admit that I wound up buying her cd on my iphone.  I felt like I needed something like that to listen to in my office today.  I was a little shocked by how much it cost on iTunes, but then tried to console myself with the usual "but she's a singer and a songwriter."  But then I realized that her writing all of her own music means she has a major monopoly and also may not be playing nice with Nashville songwriters who could use some of her royalties.  Again - thinking too much. 

I do know one thing - Taylor Swift is WAAAY better than Ke$sha.

Doggie Dilemas

If you know me, you know I love my dog.  You also know that she LOVES her family and extremely dislikes strangers.  This has been a big challenge for me.  I always assumed that any dog of mine would naturally love everybody and be very sociable.  He or she would be 100% dog therapy certification material just by being my dog.  That's not exactly how it worked out.  Despite my attempts at early socialization, she became very protective and fearful. People assume that she has a barking problem, but she only barks inappropriately when people come to the house. The rest of the time, she really is an almost perfectly obedient, sweet, and well-trained dog.


I remember when I first got her, I said to a mentor at church "I really don't know why I took this dog right now, it really wasn't convenient.  Maybe God knows I need her."  She said, "Or, maybe God knows the dog needs you."  That threw me for a complete loop at the time, but has been pretty true.
 
Her fear, pretty significant allergies, and some momentary & expensive kidney issues have proven that she might not have been so loved and adored at another home.  That makes me sad, but also makes me love her even more. 
 
I took her to the vet this weekend, which always proves to be fairly traumatic for her.  Normally, they don't even allow me to stay in the room.  This time, she allowed me to muzzle her and it went a little better.  I was so encouraged when the vet said that she is a very good dog that happens to have an extremely submissive personality.  She doesn't understand when to feel safe as well as other dogs do.  I'm sure this is something that a pastor could use for a really good sermon analogy, but for now I'm just so relieved to hear a doggie professional agree that I have a really good dog that just needs a little more love and mercy than others. 
 

Equality Now?

The lines of gender discrimination get so blurry these days.  This morning, several former Citibank female executives were on the Today show discussing their gender discrimination lawsuit.  I thought about how my childhood/junior high feminist self (yes -  its true) would have gotten all upset about this.  But these days, with more women being more educated than men, it's more difficult to find and justify actual gender discrimination in the workplace.  Does it still exist?  Most definitely.  Have most career women experienced it?  Yes.  But it's all a little blurry.
I was already thinking about these kinds of things over the past week.  I've had several blatant issues over the years, but I was thinking about what different treatment looks like in my job right now.  My boss had  checked in with me to make sure a co-worker was treating me as he should on a current project because it was a situation where gender roles could come into play.  Indeed, they have been.  As junior faculty and as a younger adult woman, I'm often left with more "secretary" type tasks in projects.  In this case, I was being asked to type up minutes and submit them back to my co-worker, eventhough we are partners on equal footing.  He also just assumed that I would do any of the administrative and creative type tasks because I was a girl and those were the "teacher-ish" kinds of things that I should be doing.  In this situation, I'm ok with it because I admit that I'd rather manage these parts anyway and make sure that they are to my approval, but it definitely leaves a work imbalance.
Then there are the tasks I'm assigned because I'm the younger woman without children.  However, I can't be too upset about this because it's the same reason I come in a little later and leave early less often than my co-workers.  They get here earlier because they take their kids to school in the morning, but come soccer season they will all be gone by 3:30 or 4:00 in the afternoon.
Thankfully, more people have started calling me "Dr." when appropriate, so that's something.
Not sure I have any real point here - it's just what was on my mind this morning  and I'm getting it out :).

Nacho Conundrum

Some one please tell me why oh why I didn't like fake nacho cheese as a child but I seem to crave it as a grown health educator adult?! 
I didn't trust it then and I know not to trust it now, but Taco Casa tempts me with all of their low down messy nacho ways.

Beauty, again

As I've said before, I regularly contemplate beauty and the role it plays in our lives - how it's perceived, how it's strived for, how it's abused, how it's used for good, and how God reveals himself in it. 
This morning, the Today show featured a book titled "Ugly as Sin" which is based on a research project that asked women about when they felt ugly.  The results were pretty depressing, with most women feeling ugly most of the time.  I didn't catch every word of the interview because I was getting ready for work.  But, I did catch that the author told her daughters that yes, they were beautiful - but that was just luck so how were they going to prove themselves to the world?

I am conflicted by this statement.  For one, I think it's pretty harsh.  On the other hand, I agree that physical beauty is fleeting and resting on it in your youth sets you up to fail later in life.  However, I also think beauty comes with its own responsibilities, burdens, and blessings and that its role should not be ignored. 

I do not know where the balance is for these two sides.  When I was younger, I was so determined to prove myself all the time, particularly in school, and felt that beauty and feminity should be put in a box to the side and left out of the picture.  I had seen it abused far too often.  Since I didn't really know how to talk to boys without talking about sports or punching them, and since talking sports is all they wanted to do with me, this seemed to work well and not be a problem.  In my twenties I realized that I really was a girly girl (everybody else already knew this) and that I better hurry up and be one while I still had a chance to enjoy it to its fullest.  I realized I wanted to feel pretty and that wearing makeup and pink dangly earrings were independent of my test grades.  Also, every woman inherently possesses beauty, but it's also a gift we're given to operate in and it would be wrong to miss that. 

This is yet another area that requires balance.  It reminds me of one guy that used to get mad that I didn't hike the girls up a bit more and get a lower neckline and a higher skirt line and use that to my full advantage because I could and because I had that power to manipulate so I oughta be taking advantage of it.  If you know me at all you know that me and this guy didn't agree on that too much.  Did I need to stop dressing like a mawmaw?  Yes, I did.  Did I need to become a hoochie?  No, I did not. 

These are some of the things that run through my mind when I see the young girls at church in their club wear.  First, I think how sad that our culture has told these girls that club wear is what you wear to feel pretty and that it's perfectly appropriate for all situations.  Then, I wonder where these girls fall on all of these spectrums.  Are they dressed like that because they feel pretty or because they feel ugly?  Are they dressed like that to feel empowered, to manipulate, or to compete with all the other girls wanting to be noticed for at least one minute in a day?  And I'm not going to lie, for a brief moment I look at myself in my over 30 frumpy childcare worker gear and wonder how am I to get my own notice in a sea of church hot pants and implants.(Thankfully, this moment is brief because God's love hits me upside the head and knocks some sense back).

I feel like I've already written this post about a hundred times, but it's what was on my mind this morning.  So, if you read it, thank you :).

And me...

James 1:27 (New International Version)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Not that I have the authority to alter scripture, but if this verse was re-written today I would have it say "to look after oprhans and widows and single young adult women named Lea in their distress..."
 
I moved my place of residence from one place to another this past week.  This required quite a large checklist of tasks to be completed, some of which I physically could not do by myself no matter how hard I tried.  I teeter-tottered on the mental edge quite a bit.  It all just seemed to be too much and I'm just little ole me.  I desperately wanted a helpmate to go through the process with.  I know that I'm not a widow and I'm not an orphan, but I was a single person that needed help and felt all alone.  Thankfully, I am abundantly blessed with people that love me and I never was really alone.  People kept humbling me by stepping up on my behalf when I could not.  Even when I wasn't being very fun to be around. 
 
No man is an island, and I proved it for sure.  I'm so very grateful for God's provision of love over my life.
 
 

Oh what a beautiful morning.

I woke up for the 2nd day in my new house - my first house!  It was storming in that perfect rainy morning kind of way.  I was so sore that I was quite unsure that I could move - whether I wanted to or not.  But, I had to get up because I had chosen to go into work today to break up my time off for moving.  My dog had a little more understanding that this is where she lived now, just a little.  This meant a little less barking and whining. 

Thankfully, the coffee pot, coffee, and mugs, are all together and I could walk straight to them.  In less than 5 minutes, I was able to have my favorite cup (my large monogrammed G mug from anthro) full of coffee and was sitting in my back porch swing watching it rain.  Although, I couldn't stay there for long because fall suddenly decided to look at the calendar and show up and therefore I needed a jacket.     

I was also thankful to have already washed my hair the night before, because I didn't have the wits for figuring all of that out this morning.  This had also allowed me to figure out that the previous owner must have turned down the water heater, making a real shower with warm-to-hot water impossible.  I would not have liked to learn that this morning.

I had set aside something to wear this morning, but it was a dress.  Turns out, I would have needed a jacket with this dress.  And then there is the fact that I've yet to move my shoes.  My 3 footwear options this morning were:  flip flops, cowboy boots, and old sneakers.  So, I am wearing a bizarre outfit of black pants, a random sleeveless sweater I don't recall wearing in at least 2 years, a brand new jacket, and old tennis shoes.  I just hope the Dean is understanding if I am called in his office to discuss this ensemble.

So, I'm at work and puffy-eyed, but coherent.  I've even answered questions this morning.  It's amazing.  Now if that security system guy will just stop calling...seriously, the chipper customer service is a little more than I can take this morning...

Real Life Glee

I was the opening keynote speaker for a conference in Mobile yesterday morning.  I had been up since 5am in hopes that I would be truly ready, on-point, and that I wouldn't still have morning voice at 9am (morning voice is several octaves lower than normal Lea voice). 

The conference organizers gave me a brief run-down of what would happen between 8:30 and 9:00.  They mentioned a local middle school show choir would be opening the morning (I think they were from Dunbar Middle Magnet school - not sure).  I thought, "Oh yay!  How fun."  But, I also questioned the choice of show choir at 8:30am.  The kids marched in and their teacher let us know this was their first performance of the year.  They started with a song in Swahili and then sang a gospel number.  They got a standing ovation both times.  These kids were amazing.  Here I was, thinking I'd make eye contact and smile to show support, then really use the time to look over my notes because I was nervous.  Instead, these kids blew us all away and I was crying!  Then I was like "Oh crap, I'm crying!  I have to stand up and speak now!  Am I just crying because I'm nervous and stressed out?  What is going on here?!"  I wanted to give a big group hug to all of them, particularly the brave first sopranos.

Thankfully, the lady that was next on the agenda (Deborah, a mentor of mine) went to the microphone and started with how the kids had moved her to tears and how she had not expected to cry right before she stood up to address everyone.  Thank you Deborah! 

Then, I went home and most definitely took off my dr hat and resumed packing up my yucky apartment (with a huge dose of help from 2 great friends).  I was pretty daggone stressed out by 9pm.  So, what was I to do but watch Tuesday night's DVR'd returning episode of Glee.  A day started and ended with show choir is a great day :).

Have Mercy

I'm buying my first home this week.

I'm moving from my apartment that I've lived in for almost 9 years.

I'm going to drive to conference and put on my dr. hat.

Lord, Have Mercy!

And friends - your grace is appreciated immeasurably.

 Picture from:webwombat

Deja Vu indeed

I knew better, but I tried to sell some boots to a consignment shop anyway.  The whole process makes me nervous because 1.) it seems sketchy even when it's not, and 2.) why should I seek out rejection?  The stores in town almost never accept things, at least not things that I would buy in the first place. 

I thought it might be different this time.  I thought maybe I could let go of some of my nicer things by consigning or selling them.  I decided to start with a pair of boots because I forgot to wear them last year and because they seemed like the most marketable thing I had.  They are a pair of barely worn brown crocodile Nine West boots - still in the box with the cardboard and inserts and everything.  I wore them with my DC suits.  The first store said they were too "business professional" for their clientele, but I could try another store in town (and to send any fake or real Uggs I might have their way).  I wasn't going to put myself through it, but I was near the other store - so I tried.  Nope, they didn't want them either.  I understand they aren't necessarily this year's Tuscaloosa fashion - but a pretty shoe is a pretty shoe!  And how do consignment and used clothing stores make it if they only want this year's items?  

Of course, I told myself that these boots were much closer to what was seen at this month's NY Fashion Week than any of the items in these stores.  I think such thoughts are mandatory in these situations.  All the rejection makes you want to keep the items instead to prove just how fiercely you can wear them as a "take that!" to the consignment shops. 

I think I'll just go back to giving such things to family, friends, or the goodwill because their smiles, the warm fuzies, and the tax write-off are worth more than the $20 from a shop anyway.

To Vegan or not to Vegan? That is the question.

My diet and eating patterns have evolved throughout my life.  I think back to when I was a kid, when I regularly snuck chunks of butter, cool whip, and cheese filled hot dogs out of the refrigerator.  I thought that these were the 3 most amazing foods on earth.  As a kid and teenager, I loved hamburgers and pot roast and thought that vegetarians were pretty much stupid. 

Fast forward to 2001, when I was out of college and my mother said she didn't know what I ate anymore and it was like she didn't even know me.  That was due to a combination of things, such as the influence of my friend's preferences, expanding my variety, making healthier choices, and eating as cheaply as possible.  Honestly, the main reason I stopped eating as much meat in college was because unless it was pepperoni on a pizza special it was just too expensive.  I also gave up beef completely in 2001 - ironically in order to support my mother's choice to do the same.   

Since then, meat has been something I can take or leave depending on my options.  I know how to make the healthiest food choices, whether I do or not.  (I have a doctorate in this stuff, so let's hope I know something about it.)  And I continuously want to return to preparing my own food using real ingredients that at least resemble something that could come out of the earth.

This summer, I was faced with the challenge of a new diet whether I wanted one or not.  My physician recommended that I become vegan.  In fact, he recommended it twice.  I know that doctors are actually not the best authority on nutrition (that's what we have dieticians and health educators for), but this was a specialist that had taken the time to learn it and employed dieticians in his office.  I have made several modifications (that I sometimes follow better than others), but I have not made the complete jump to vegan.  I am living somewhere in-between, almost to the point that it's comical.  Just consider my lunch today, a large chicken-apple sausage with a quesadilla made of vegan cheese and zucchini (all of which was completely yummy!). 

The hardest part seems to be the social aspect.  Mentioning the word "vegan" makes people stop and ask "but didn't you once work for a Republican?"  People don't understand that I'm not talking about "Alicia Silverstone don't wear leather shoes and throw paint on people vegan" - I'm talking about "I want to make good decisions and take care of my body because I'm mighty excited to have it vegan".   But, I'm Southern, my family lives on an old dairy farm, my dad orders pork for a living, and my aunt owns a bbq restaurant.  Our culture's entrees most often include the choice of hamburger, pulled pork, or chicken fingers and you're weird to want something different.  After all, isn't that other stuff what you're supposed to drive to town for?

Ultimately, given my circumstances and the puzzle pieces of it all, a diet of my own creation is likely the best option for me.  I'm still deciding just how committed I will be.  What I will make room for and what I won't.  Whether I'll really take the time to cook food ahead and carry it with me.  Until then, I ask my loved ones for a lot of grace and patience; and trust to know that no, I have not changed my religion or begun worshiping cows.

Yay!

I wanted to keep up with my streak of returning to the blogging world, but couldn't think of anything to write about today.

Until..............

I found out that Heather and Anastasia really are coming to visit soon!!!  And, they are going to go tailgaiting at their first SEC game!!  (althought not actually attending the said game).  This is so very exciting.  I have known Heather since 7th grade (went to the same youth group, junior high, high school, and college) and Anna was my college roomate.  No, she's not Russian.  When our powers are combined, we become Awesome, Party of 3.  We try to all see each other at the same time at least once every 3 years.  I really get the best end of the deal because they live in New York and Boston - 2 pretty fabulous places.  But this time, they're coming to good 'ol T-Town!  Just in time to see my new house and watch my friends fry up some Gator-on-a-Stick. 

Does it get any better?

I think I've found my vice...

Ok, so I don't smoke and I don't drink and I don't even know how many church leadership honor codes I've signed at this point - but I've figured out what my vice is.  If you read this at all then you knew before I did.  It's mascara.  I want to try it all.  Thankfully, I don't, but I can't seem to buy the same kind twice because there is always something new and exciting on the horizon.
My most recent purchase was the new Maybelline Falsies Mascara.  At least I needed some this time.  The Rimmel I wrote about last time was up.  I really did intend to buy that again.  However, the first time I saw some other blog post on the the Falsies, I knew I would be tempted (I thought it was Pioneer Woman - but I couldn't find that post in her archives - so maybe not).  And, I didn't feel well and have been stressed out and it was on sale at Target for less than $6.00.  I crubmled.
On the upside - I really do like it!!  You do have to be careful to not become too spidery and it does require some application time to make sure you don't have it all over your entire eye lid.  However, the result is worth the time.  Your lashes do appear to shoot straight up out of your face - but in a pretty way :).

Not a fat joke

I had an experience last night that reminded me of one of my soap boxes.  Aren't you glad? :).  I was talking with some old friends that were in town and preferencing all of my sentences with some disclaimer, which I tend to do uncontrollably.  I know it's annoying, but I can't seem to stop.  It is particularly bad when I'm feeling a little insecure, when I'm tired, or when I'm about to actually state my opinion and I'm scared.  I've also done this an awful lot this week due to a bit of a whallup to the head - but that's another story.
Sometimes when I'm talking in this matter, I realize how insecure it sounds, and then I become more nervous about how it's sounding and then I get worse.  It's pretty much a communication trainwreck.  So, I was noticing that I already sounded pretty insecure last night.
Then, I said something that sounded like a self-degrading fat joke - and it clearly was not received well.  I thought to myself, "That sounded like a fat joke.  And self-referencing fat jokes are never funny.  Ever.  Fat jokes in general are not funny.  Maybe one time every now then when delivered by Adam Sandler or something, but overall never funny.  I would have made the same face and then ignored that joke had I heard anybody else say it." 
Truthfully, I was not making a fat joke about myself.  It was more of an observation that I was quite literally much larger by genetics, inches, and bone structure than anybody else at the table.  And, because of this, I really do eat more food.  I also rarely find food to be "too rich".  All of these factors combined meant that I had no problem finishing my piece of cake after a big dinner and wanted to lick my plate.  Or at least run my finger through the fudge lava in the cake pan in front of me.
I know it wasn't a self-degrading fat joke because I made a pact with myself to stop those completely when I was a junior in college.  I've always believed in the importance of words and their effects and I didn't want to needlessly attack myself anymore.  I had been thinking about these things for a while.  Then, one day in the Honors House kitchen, I decided I would not call myself a cow ever again.  This seemed like a rather scandalous decision, because it was requisite that college girls call themselves a cow at least once a day.  It was as though I might lose my scholarship if I didn't play along with all the other girls and keeping calling myself fat - whether it was true or not. 
Granted, I have not been perfect about this.  I have slipped every now and then - but I am at least very conscious of it when I do.  And I don't allow other women to call themselves fat either.  It's just so poisonous and a waste of words.  Now, there are days when I really do feel like I am the size of a whale.  I'm pretty close to being there today.  And I have been self-conscious about some weight I added this summer.  But, I'm not going to waste my time and mental health attacking myself over it.  Instead, I'll make better food choices and start exercising again.
Words have power, and God has given us the power to bless ourselves.  Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made, whether they are a bit bloated or not.  Today, I encourage you to think of a physical insecurity you have and choose to bless that part of you and thank God for it.  

Love will Open the Door

Have I mentioned how very blessed I am to be in a world full of artists?  I'm so proud of my friends that make things - no matter what that may be (since they aren't making things like pipe bombs and meth - that would be a whole different story).

One such friend, Brooke, made this great little wooden chalk board that I have decided to hang on my bedroom door when I move in my  new house!  It can be found in her etsy shop: Playing Grown Up.

Another friend, April, has been blessing me with her art for years.  To the point that it is all over my home and office and I don't know what my environment would be like without it.  She just bought some metal stamps to experiment with, and I got to be one of her lucky test subjects!  She gave me this last night with an always encouraging message.  (Please ignore that it's an iphone picture).

Thank you friends!

Guess I'm a Grown Up Now

I have recently been challenged with several situations that have made me stand up and be more of a grown up.  (I guess these things happen when you turn 32).  The most grown up thing of all has been negotiating a contract for a house (Yikes Bikes!).  Yes, I said a house.  Each day of this process has brought me into an adult frame of mind in different ways, including:

• standing up for myself
• admitting I don't know everything and being really humble yet insecure about that
• deciding to make an investment in my future
• asking myself what I really want
• acting on vision and dreams
• defining my priorities
• not settling
• deciding what I'm ok with when it comes to spending my own money
• realizing that I'm good enough to get something that is already pretty and nice instead of something I need to "save" or "rescue"
• using my voice for myself
• letting the world know I'm here
• saying "daggonit - my dog needs a yard and I'm gonna get her one!"
• and letting the world know that yes I'm single and don't have any kids and I'm buying a place for me to live in instead of continuing to see how the marriage and kids thing works out (just because it's 2010 doesn't mean that some folks at the bank quit asking these questions)

This process is evolving daily - but I'll keep you posted. 

Image from: Nonnie's Dollhouses

Random Times at Lea High

Hello friends!  I haven't written anything in ages.  And that's because my life has been a giant stress ball lately.  An "oh my goodness my chest hurts and I wish it would stop" kind of stress ball.  I don't say this to whine.  I do have a purpose, promise.  You see, its times like this that can make you question who you are and what you're doing with your life.  That make you want to start running around screaming and giving anyone standing still a piece of your mind. 
Then you realize that maybe these past couple of weeks have been so crappy because you're getting closer to your purpose in life, and the enemies of your spirit aren't too fond of that.  Or maybe you need to check-in with yourself and God, learn a lesson, and move forward.  Maybe you're being refined as an adult to face something a little further down the road.
I realize this is all seeming pretty tangential (as I am pretty tired), but again - I am getting to a point. Maybe my point here is that God is faithful.  As I inferred before, I've been asking Him if I am who I want and hope to be, because there have been a lot of conflicting messages lately.  I've also had a very short patience with others and felt pretty self-righteous for it.  (God has also reminded me that by judging others you easily become who you're judging).  I've really been in a spiritual struggle over these things.
Then came today, my birthday.  I do love me some birthdays, no matter who or what.  Thankfully, this birthday coincided with modern technology that allowed me to receive birthday wishes from most every mode of transmission possible.  I became overwhelmed with love and encouragement.  Right when I most needed it, people came out of the woodwork to speak truth into my life.  This blows my mind and makes me so very very grateful.  I'm in wonder that I even get the honor of knowing many of the people God used in my life today. 
So, thank you God for using your other children to speak to me.  And if you're reading this and you understand what it feels like to doubt who you are, know that God will be faithful to you too. 

Looking to the Fall

Hello friends out there!  I haven't written anything in a long time because I'm in a very busy season.  Thankfully, it is also full of blessings.

In the moments that I haven't been working, I've been thinking about what fall essentials I know I'll need. Fall/winter fashion needs tend to cost more and be investments that you keep around, versus the flip flops and t-shirts of summer, so I wanted to do my research.  I knew I'd need a new purse because I've carried my current fall/winter purse for at least 2 years and it's starting to show (especially since I don't get the really fancy kinds that are meant to last that long).  This decision threw me into way too deep of a thought trail about what I want my style in life to be.  I'll spare you that now, but expect to hear it later. 

I decided that I wanted more of a western purse with a slight edge.  I was also wanting to go back to a cross-body style.  At the same time, I am a grown up now so I can't be too trendy.  I looked at pretty much every website out there for something I'd like and comparing prices.  I wound up going with a Jessica Simpson purse.  Yes, I said Jessica Simpson.  I can't help myself - I secretly like her.  It's a complicated relationship.  Thankfully, this one was on sale plus an extra 20% off.  This is very important because it turns out that my taste has become much more expensive since I last bought a purse.  The unexpected surprise of this purse is that it has a leopard print lining, which really cracks me up.  I'm pretty sure I'll laugh inside every time I open it.

Here's what I went with.  It's totally a new color for me.  I was very nervous when I opened it at the UPS station yesterday because I saw a similar purse on a person after I ordered this - and it was neon yellow - which really scared me that the online picture was not accurate and I had ordered a neon orange purse.  Thankfully, it is a sunset color, just as it is named.  And, I really like it.  If you don't like it - don't tell me ;).

     

New Favorite Joke

Evidently the EnviroKidz crispy rice cereal bar folks aspire to be the Laffy Taffy of the organic foods world.  That's ok with me because I love the joke on my wrapper:

Percy the Penguin asks:  Who is a penguin's favorite relative?

Answer:  Aunt Arctica

You're welcome :-)

I Cannot Tell a Lie

Just because I can't lie - I'm not going to my 11:30 meeting.  But it's because of a hectic work day and a required lunch lecture.  Just clarifying in case the people in the 11:30 meeting (that don't even know I have a blog) were to ever read my previous post and think I missed the meeting just because I didn't want to go. 

The End :)

PRESSURE!

I don't know what is going on, but I have had 3 different conflicts occur over the past 3 days.  Sunday, I snapped & got terse.  Yesterday, I nearly got snappy but someone across the table beat me to it.  This morning, I stood there dumbfounded and didn't say a thing because I didn't want to regret it and because I was going to become a hot mess if I said a thing.

I hate conflict and in the past have done most anything to avoid it.  I wouldn't run a marathon to avoid conflict, because I hate running, but I would consider such options as petting an alligator on the nose.  So, for me to have 3 conflicts in 3 days is rare and overwhelming.  It makes me feel like God might have some super secret plan or like there is some new character development lesson He has for me.  The first lesson I've learned is that I shouldn't talk to people before 10am or before I've had coffee, but I think I already knew that one.

I've realized that I'm in need for a transition in the world of stating my mind and facing conflict.  I'm a grown up now and have had 2 very grown up jobs, one of which was literally in the Capitol of Conflict.  My dad says he thinks I needed my time in DC to get a tough skin and stand up to people.  I agree with that, but these days I'm finding that I have no middle ground.  I put up with a lot and avoid the conflict, then suddenly snap into an attitude of "Good grief, I've had Senators treat me far better than you just did so you think I'm going to put up with your little hissy fit?"  And if I do snap or confront anyone then I become a bumbling, shaking, crying puddle - either while it's taking place or immediately after leaving the room and I'm extremely less productive for at least 24 hours. 

Perhaps this all about self-control and learning how to be an adult.  How to calmly say what needs to be said and nothing more.  How to stand in the authority I've been given in my job and know that my job is not to make everybody happy.  How to respect those placed in authority over me. 

That said, I'm strongly considering skipping my 11:30 meeting because I'm pretty sure there's gonna be conflict.