A New Favorite

I'm on my 3rd day at home with strep throat.  So, for a break from sleeping and watching more Netflix, I'm choosing to share a few of my favorite things with the internet.  If you knew how much Netflix I had watched, then you'd be supporting this even more (Maybe it was the entire new season of Arrested Development and first 3 episodes of Friday Night Lights.  Maybe.). 

Lately I have been a little extra obsessed with products - particularly bath and beauty products.  Not in a "I think these will make me happy and change everything" kind of way, in case anyone fears I lose my soul for the perfect acne treatment. 

My first favorite is good for a boy or a girl and has me repeatedly sniffing my arm as I type.  It's the Yes to Cucumbers Soothing Body Butter.  You may be getting this as gift from me at some point because I like it that much. 

Pros: 

• It's all natural and paraben free yet affordable and widely available. I got mine on a buy one get one 1/2 off sale at Walgreens. 
• It smells like super fresh real cucumbers.  It's a little like the Bath and Body Works Cucumber Melon that you had to wear in junior high if you wanted even a chance at being cool.  Except way fresher and more grown up smelling. And I totally think a guy could wear it - he might even get sniffed by a lot of girls like I'm sniffing my arm right now.
• It's cooling to your skin.
• It's for sensitive skin.
• It doesn't contain alcohol so it's not drying and better for those pesky spots of eczema.
• It's not greasy yet actually moisturizes.
• It's perfect for summer because of the fresh, cooling, non-greasy combo.  And it's a light natural scent that won't draw mosquitoes like sweeter scents - making it a perfume substitute even. 
• I haven't found any cons.

Who knew I could write so much about a body butter? That worries me a little.

Given that length, I'll restrain myself from writing on the others.  Because there's a lot.  I could try to become a beauty blogger/youtube channel person with the amount of beauty info my brain has collected lately.

Toodles.

Our Calling is Daily Obedience - Whether or Not it Comes With Confetti and Sparkles

I have long gone rounds with "finding my purpose" and the "calling on my life".  I've taken tests and read countless articles and books on the topic.  Regardless, I still cannot identify exactly what that action or role or job might be.  In fact, my greatest fear in life is not fulfilling my purpose or somehow not stepping up enough to be all I was created to be. (If you want blatant honesty). If I am OCD about anything, it might be thinking about and trying to find my purpose. 

This is why I sometimes plug my ears and sing "la la la" when pastors start talking about whether you've found your purpose and how important that is and how it changes everything.   I don't disagree with this statement. I actually fully agree with this statement.  Especially for stoners with red eye or anybody wandering about aimlessly.  My issue is that there may be such a thing as "purpose" addicts and asking us to find and name our purpose makes us either 1.)  freeze like statues, 2.) overcommit ourselves to every cause we can think of, 3.) melt into a puddle of tears and wailing on the floor or 4.) lash ourselves while wearing a horsehair shirt (for some reason my mind always goes medieval with penance).  This is a large part of the reason why the book Grace for the Good Girl is so important to me - because I think pastors and the church as a body just don't know what to do with the goody-goody appearing addicts whose fix is earning their salvation and grace. 

This post is triggered by this article by Karen Yates in Relevant magazine.  It's all about the hyper focus on purpose in the church and how we overlook the Gospel truth we are called to daily obedience because we're too busy hunting down our purpose.  If we are obedient daily and lay it all down daily, then we're going to be where we need to be and drop love and grace where it's called for.

Believe it or not, I spoke to my former young adult ministry on this once.  The pastor asked me to share any personal revelations I had on our fall retreat and I may or may not have preached a sermon.  You see, while on this retreat, I realized I had become too old to ever be Miss America, a pop diva icon, or to be on The Real World (dating myself a bit, ahem.).  I freaked out and thought "What if I was supposed to be or do one of those things and I missed it and now I can never fulfill my purpose!"  I hear tell other people have had this reaction upon realizing they are too old for American Idol.  The thing is, I didn't want to be on The Real World, but I realized that sometimes windows close on opportunities and that terrified me.  (Whether I wanted to be Miss America or a pop diva icon is another matter all together).  God spoke to me that if I seek Him daily, I will be right where I'm supposed to be.  He said "Hey, why don't you check out this scripture?"
Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Reminding myself of this and chilling out is the hard part. 

Another thing I appreciate about this article is that it reminded me that walking in your purpose also requires dying to your flesh - aka - it won't always feel good.  I thought I knew for sure my purpose last fall but then that purpose started a season that really has not been fun.  At times I've thought that's a sign to quit.  To completely walk away.  But is it?  That's a whole other question.

So, next time you're having a panic attack about whether you've blown life, stop and ask yourself "Did I act justly today?  Did I love mercy today?  Did I listen for God and ask for Him to direct me today?"  If so, you lived a good day and good days lead to a beautiful story of a life.

Praying for My Enemies, Again

A professor at Florida State did some prayer research and turns out he statistically proved that couples forgive and cooperate more easily when they pray for their partner after an offense.  Not all that shocking, but nice to have the science to go along with the Word.  What struck me was the whisper in my spirit that asked, "What if you prayed for your enemies?  Again."

I've had some offenses lately.  Some pretty minor but offenses none the less and I've allowed these to alter my behavior and thoughts.  Now, sometimes it is good and smart and holy to alter your behavior. But the ruminating over and over on an offense that is so very hard to let go - that's never a good idea.

It seems almost backwards.  As if praying for the person as long as needed to be set free would be the ruminating.  I mean, you are stopping to focus on that person.  But, if you don't continuously & purposefully pray for them then the offense is like a constant white noise draining energy from your heart and brain.  That's when you dig yourself a deep hole and when hurt & anger wakes you up at 3am.

It can be scary to pray for a repeat offender because forgiveness means you might let your guard down and feel stupid again.  But that's the risk you must take to be truly free.  It is possible to forgive someone while maintaining healthy boundaries - you can feel the compassion of God's heart towards a person and still tell them they are not allowed to bully or manipulate you anymore.

Here's some thoughts from Mrs. Beth on this issue: http://blueprintforlife.com/blog/loving-difficult-people/


Link to research:  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/05/130514184139.htm
First read on Ann Voskamp's A Holy Experience blog, http://www.aholyexperience.com/

Hot Town, Summer in the City - Or, needing Car AC repair

There is almost nothing that can make me feel as vulnerable and alone in the world as the need for car repair.  First, the repair person has the power because they know more about your car than you do and they provide a service you need and cannot do yourself. 

Secondly, they almost always ask you to leave your care overnight then act surprised when that is inconvenient for you.  Without fail, there's a moment where they say "You mean you don't have anyone to pick you up?"   I feel like the house lights go down and there's a spotlight on me and I'm forced to say "No, I don't have anybody.  I'm alone in the world." There's no designated and obligated man, no magic carpet, no second vehicle - much less a batmobile that can drive itself to pick me up.  I realize this sounds overly dramatic, but it's one of the only times in life do you have to be at the mercy of a stranger and verbalize these things to them. 

Thirdly, car repair most often means I have to ask for help.  Yikes. 

To recap - it's a situation where I know the least, have to verbalize my level of alone-ness, and phone a friend.  Pretty much my nightmare.  This is why there's still a chance I will go to trade school and open my own repair shop one day.  If you hear of an all-female mechanic shop that also offers courtesy cars, it's me.  We won't dress like hooters girls but we will be bedazzled.

This time around, I gave myself a pre-service call pep talk.  Let's get real - if there's a 50% divorce rate in this country and if about 20% of adults never marry, then I can't be the only person that has this problem.  Not even spouses can pick each other up all the time.  I'm not the weirdo here.

I also strategized to start at Sears and  made a list of things to investigate at the mall.  For example, are Bobbie Brown cream blushes really as creamy as they say?  Here's a couple of hours to find out.  Surely market research has shown this is why Sears profits from their auto services, because you can wonder for hours and there's a food court so you won't starve.  You can even get a pedicure without leaving the building.  Let's be honest - being stranded at Sears is how I discovered my handy-dandy Kardashian Kollection blazers and my red shirt dress. Too bad Sears told me to move along to Firestone.  The only places in safe walking distance from Firestone is a bar and a wedding dress boutique, neither of which I recommend visiting after offering up your pride to Bob the swamped air-conditioning specialist.
 
On the bright side, my car gets me from one place to another just fine.  An AC need leaves you with the power to walk away and drive yourself elsewhere, even if it takes you an hour to cool down once you get there.

Car repair situations are also an opportunity to think of people willing to consider leaving their houses 30 minutes early for me.  This probably means 30 less minutes of sleep in the morning.  That is true love and I am blessed. So, maybe the point of the story is that I'm really not all alone in the world.

PS - Bob the swamped air-conditioning specialist called in sick to work today.  Not because it's actually a national holiday and why are any of us working, but because he dislocated his ankle.  Ouch.  Get better soon, Bob!  (or, whatever your actual name is because I just named you Bob).

Nobody's Crying

Remember that post a while back about how I had stopped listening to music to protect myself but how that wasn’t really good for me either because art helps you process the human experience?  Yeah, well – Patty Griffin released a new album today.  Me and Patty have a wee bit of a history with roots planted deeply my first year of college.  She is a songwriter’s songwriter.  Like, the Leonardo of songwriters or something.  Like, she should have her own category on iTunes kind of thing.  Even her songs that I don’t  care for are beyond most people’s craft.  Do I need to keep going?

So, needless to say my “Patty to emotionally functional ratio” is a well-balanced titration.  (Not that all of her songs are sad – some are about overcoming – but still).  Just one phrase from her can be so loaded with its own personal history in my life that a magic carpet shows up to transport me to a coffee shop and puts a journal in my hand.  Don’t ask me how ;).   I pulled up her new album on iTunes because it was her first album of original material in 7 years.  The snippets online didn’t stir much, but I suddenly felt like I should listen to her song, “Nobody’s Crying”.  Don’t ask me why – I just really felt I needed to listen to that one of all the 57 Patty songs on my computer.

Well, I spontaneously burst into tears and a hot snotty mess after the intro.  Like, sat on my couch and bawled and now have mascara all over my hands, arms, and face.  It’s not that today was an awful day, but it was a challenging day.  It was a day when I had to be about the business of active forgiveness towards more than one person.  A day when my heart was breaking and a bit dumbfounded for a friend.  A day when I had to choose to rest in my identity in Christ when there were big noisy distractions off to the side that did not want that to happen.

 During this cathartic bawl, I realized the words to this song are what I would say to everyone I’ve loved or cared for that has hurt me or let me down.  All those that have battled addiction.  All those that couldn’t get past something inside themselves.  All those that have genuinely cared for me in their own way but chose actions that looked like rejection instead.  All those situations I must accept may or may not be reconciled on earth.  All those kids and circumstances that seem hopeless.  And then, what it’s like to live with that – to get sad sometimes but have faith and keep going to win the war. 

Basically, I feel like I’ve lost 10 pounds and had lots of free therapy.

If you also need free therapy, might I suggest a listen.  Or, a good read of the lyrics below:

Nobody’s Crying

As I'm sittin' in the taxi for the sky
He's off to slay some demon dragonfly
And he looks at me, that long last time
Turns away again and I waved goodbye
In an envelope, inside his coat
Is a chain I wore, around my throat
Along with, a note I wrote
Said "I love you but, I don't even know why"

But darling, I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you're trying
Just have this secret hope
sometimes all we do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There's an endless rope
And nobody's crying

Well a long night turns into a couple long years
Of me walkin' around, around this trail of tears
Where the very loud voices of my own fears
Is ringin' and ringin' in my ears
It says that love is long gone
Every move I make is all wrong
Says you never gave a damn for me
For anything, for anyone

But darling, I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you're trying,
Just have this secret hope
Sometimes all we do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There's an endless rope
And nobody's crying

May you dream you are dreaming, in a warm soft bed
And may the voices inside you that fill you with dread
Make the sound of thousands of angels instead
Tonight where you might be laying your head

I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you're trying
Still have this secret hope
Sometimes all I do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There's an endless rope
And nobody's crying
Nobody's crying
Nobody's crying