Losing someone violently is different from losing someone to
sickness or disease. I’m not saying
sickness is easier, but violence is markedly different. It cuts a different scar, has the potential
for more fear, leaves more room for denial and confusion. Perhaps I thought it had something to do with
someone dying too young or because it was sudden, but now I know it’s because
of the violence. Because of the one
human taking life from another, or simply taking life away.
I’ve also learned that there is no pre-set ratio for how
upset or affected a person will be in proportion to how well they knew a
victim. With sickness we know and expect
someone to be upset when they lose a close friend or family member. We do not know and cannot control how the
ending of a taken life will impact others.
In this case, it doesn’t matter if you weren’t “close” to a person – you
are left with knowing that someone that you knew and shared breath with on this
earth was purposefully erased by another.
I say all of this because I can only recall losing 3 people
to violence and I know how I was affected by each of those loses. A colleague, a cousin, and a neighbor. Therefore, what must it be like for the
persons living in truly violent communities?
What is it really like for those living through a civil war when they’ve
lost tens of people? How much anxiety, denial, and dry bones heart
must they have? How much must they
devalue life to make it through the day?
Those are the questions that scare me.
