All Your Life

It's October 6th and only my 2nd day to write in the 31 days.  Awesome.  However, considering my last blog post had been a year ago, I'm counting it as success.

I am a tad obsessed with God loving us from the moment we exist.  I always have been.  As a researcher, I see this truth in research on adverse childhood experiences and in-the-womb studies.  Science is telling us the story of how our experience of creation matters from the start.  How the experiences of our pregnant moms and our first few years develop a neurological and hormonal path for our future.  I love watching a baby that knows it is safe and loved.  It glows out of them.

I know it is not a mistake that I was born with this fascination because it has kept me going in my life.  It's as though I've always known I'd be sunk without it.  My life would tell a different story had there not been a constant of the deep-calling-deep whisper of love to my spirit. 

Last weekend, I attended reCreate, my church's annual women's conference.  The worship leader was Meredith Andrews.  I wasn't sure who she was or what she sang, but y'all - that was my loss.  She's good.  One of her songs is a beautiful and bold telling of the fact that God has loved us all of our lives.  We can go searching, but He made us, He's seen everything, He's protected us in ways we can't see even during the terrible.  He is the one that has loved you all your life.  What better love story is there than that?

You can listen to You're Not Alone here.

Holly Wagner spoke after Meredith sang this song.  She didn't know she was coordinating this theme in my mind when she told of how kings tried to kill Moses and Jesus both as babies, not because of the babies they were but because of the men they would be.  Some of us need to hear that in the center of ourselves.
I needed to hear it because my mom did not have an easy go of her pregnancy with me.  Life was chaotic.  One doctor couldn't find my heartbeat and swore I died.  One said I might have a cognitive disability.  One said I might be deaf.  Then I hung out in there for 10 months because I was cozy.  Yet, here I am.  I can't claim to be normal but I didn't have any baby problems that some sunlight and prescription shoes couldn't fix. I've never shaken that deep eternal echo that I am loved and my life is worth fighting for, no matter the rejection, shame, and untruth that has come my way (even when I've been the source). 

If you don't know this to be true in the core of your being, then I pray Ephesians 3:18 that you "may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" for you.

31 Days of Writing, A Day Late

Ok, there’s that whole life-long struggle with writing and not writing I have.  So, I’m taking part in the Nester’s 31 days project.  I was at a bit of a loss for a topic.  However, after some recent events and stirrings during the reCreate women’s conference, I feel like I’m supposed to write my love story.  I realize that sounds cheesy.  I realize that sounds self-obsessed.  But I also realize the disproportionate focus our culture places on eros love over agape love.  I’ve lived a lot of being told there isn’t love in my life because of the absence of romantic love.  I’m not devaluing the role of romance, marriage, etc and admit I have a lot to learn there. I am tired of that being the way we most often discuss and frame love or using that as the qualifier for love’s presence.

This is rooted back into that Song of Songs revelation (2:4) that his banner over me is love.  God’s covering over my life is love.  When he looks down from above and sees the top of my head he sees a stamp that says love.  And his love is lavish.  It has saved my life again and again.  My love cup runs over to the point of almost ridiculousness (Thanks by the way!  See above saved my life part).  

The thing is, I’m not alone.  This is His truth for His children.  Do you look at your life and see a love story?  If we’re the Bride of Christ, what does that look like in a life?  (And the Bride of Christ includes men, right?  Whoa – can somebody preach on that? I’m thinking some men might need to be thrown in the love tank too.)

So, this is what I’m writing about for 31 days.  Good or bad.  Edited or not.  Freaked to put it on the internets or not.  Completely coherent or not.  We’ll see.

I also have no clue if I know how to permalink.