Growing Up

I have spent most of my life avoiding conflict and most certainly avoiding hurting people's feelings whenever I knowingly could.  I hear it's impossible to avoid and the more I grow up the more conflict I seem to face.  I know it's good for me and I know I can't do the stuff God wants to do with my life unless I face the grown-up stuff, but it's hard
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Today, a woman I respect came in my office clearly very upset by something she thought I had done and that she had taken very personally.  Thankfully, I remained calm because I knew that something had happened between where the situation left me and where it ended it up and there was not a straight line.  Once we followed the trail, nobody did anything wrong, they merely did their jobs in hopes of finding the right answer.  They were even doing it out of respect for what she represents. But, it didn't matter because her feelings were hurt along the way.  She started apologizing and I felt she wanted an apology back, but I had not done anything to apologize for so I did not know what to do.  Ultimately, I apologized that anything that had passed through me would cause her to panic or be unnecessarily upset. 

This, and other recent grown up situations, are teaching me that sometimes people are going to be hurt no matter what I do.  I could stand on one foot on an 89 degree angle while holding my breath and juggling some flowers and it wouldn't matter. I can do everything just as I should and it may or may not matter. We are fallen human beings and we have these wacky things called emotions that only Jesus could control at all times and even He got mad sometimes (although His was righteous and I'm pretty sure not as messy as my anger can be sometimes).  They are going to get in the way.

Also, I watched how my superior mediated the situation and connected the dots that led to the confusion.  When it was over, this person stood there for a while, exhaled deeply, and said "Stress".  For me, this accentuated that responsibility brings stress and often times conflict.  However, to run away from this can be the same thing as running away from God's plan for your life, your calling, and some of the blessings of your future and I don't want to do that.

Tonight, I am still torn at what to do because I feel that for anyone to be hurt or to not see the big picture means that something is left undone.  And because I seem to keep getting in trouble for not talking needlessly and not getting involved when I shouldn't or for acknowledging when I don't have enough authority to have the answers.  I always thought those were the things that kept you OUT of trouble at work - not in it.

So, I'll lay down and pray for wisdom and grace and mercy and self-control - that I may receive these  and that I will be full enough to pass them along to others.

and p.s. - the trouble most likely started from somebody making something up and passing it along as truth because they didn't do sufficient work to know the truth, which led to chaos in the lives of a lot of people they will never meet.  There's a lesson here...