Maybe We Should Try Being Ourselves?

I had another one of those mornings where I was frustrated about what I was doing with my life.  This came from a whole big rolling ball of intertwined thoughts and messages from the past few days (positive messages, not negative ones - it's my interpretation that is the tricky part).  There are days when I read the wonderful bloggers and their wonderful books and feel like they've already beaten me to what I wanted to do - so what am I to do with myself now that I wouldn't be special or unique? So many of the things popular in Western Civilization Girldom are activities I've long loved, but that others are currently excelling at. 

It puts me at risk of thinking "What kind of cookbook could I ever write when there are a million foodblogger cookbooks?  What kind of recipes could I create to trump a quarter of the stuff on pinterest? (which is one reason I've stayed away)  What kind of cute craft could I possibly be known for in the world of etsy?  Why didn't I start the bakery I've wanted to start since highschool before they got all trendy and uber competitive?  How am I supposed to start a ministry that ends human trafficking when there are several really cool ones these days?  Why should I even consider attempting photography when so many people do it so well?  And how am I ever possibly to have a house decorated as cute as all of those on the internets?"

Here's the problem - when I have these days, it means my focus is distracted from the stuff that I am currently appointed and anointed for.  I had the whole conversation above in my mind while in the process of successfully submitting a foundation grant for a program to serve people living with HIV/AIDS in the rural South and helping coordinate a day where hundreds of folks living with HIV head to Montgomery to meet their legislators.  Is that less significant because it wasn't on a blog with the coolest graphics and accompanied by a photo with perfect balance of blurry haze and natural lighting?  God would probably say no.  And that famous blogger(s) with the cute house, perfect photos, and awesome book?  Well, writing that grant might have made her pee her pants.  Yet I struggle with not fitting in the current mold of Christian ministry in the US "it girl".

I spend so much of my work time thinking about whether I'm meeting my calling and  how I'm currently not writing a book that will have a perfect cover and be the best seller at LifeWay that I overlook the ministry and life importance of what I am ordained to do from 8-5.  These thoughts can totally sabotage the calling I'm walking in and that God has led me to - and then I'm left thinking I can't do anything right since I can't do everything.  Granted, there are times when you are to take a new road and listen to those dreams and go pursue them.  The important thing for me to realize here, is that the nerdy work stuff I get to do really is part of my dream and sometimes the other stuff are just hobbies. 

So, the question is:  Are you missing your big picture by striving for somebody else's?  Are you disappointed with where you are in life because it's not where you're supposed to be, or because you are trying to be somebody else?  Do you also ramble like this during your work break?  (just checking).