I spent my day in our state capital advocating for prevention of HIV/AIDS and treatment for the persons living with the disease. It’s always one of my favorite days of the year. Something about the big picture democracy of it all and persons having the opportunity to share their own stories with persons they might not otherwise meet. Two of today’s stories made me cry (which I now do all the time – totally blame it on the LIFE retreats). Truth be told, I selfishly go on these days to be re-centered and inspired, to remember to be grateful and keep going.
The first story was of a man I’ve had the privilege to know for a few years now. He’s one of those quiet, unassuming types that rises to leadership and earns people’s respect by being still and wise – at least that’s my take on him. He talked of knowing he’d die until his mother spoke life to him, and how fleeing a monster hurricane led him to get off the interstate in my town because he knew we had football, and how people I have the privilege of knowing showed him love and continued to give him life. In a world where most of the persons living with this disease are still hidden, he had the courage to speak to a room full of leaders, clients, and the news media. I have so much respect for him.
Then there was the Lady. Nothing about her is small, but her stature and her hair are no match for her presence. She was captivating from the onset, immediately controlling the room. I knew a little about her before, but only that she worked with children and teens living with HIV, that her smile was contagious, and that the loves of her life are in fact love and butter. I didn’t know what was coming. I didn’t know that she was about to boldly and somehow charmingly (and absolutely hilariously) admit she previously slept with men to pay the bills for her and her three children. My brain had to stop a second and go, “Wait, what? Oh, yes, she is basically admitting prostitution in front of old-white-men-elected-officials”. Then she told of how she had the chance to go back to school and how her professors told her she was talented and how she began to realize she was “made for more than pleasure” (her words, not mine – but how loaded are those words? And how true that there is a root of self-worth, lies, and the balance of power with which women can universally relate?).
Her story transitioned to the health of her third son and how an unshakeable case of pneumonia led them to UAB Children’s Hospital. Her baby was suffering with coinfections of HIV and needed immediate treatment, which could only mean she was positive and had given it to her child. The decisions she made for herself did indeed affect others and she had no time for denial. Ultimately, she faced this crossroad in life to gain sustainable employment, provide housing for her family, and become a national speaker. She admitted she went into foreclosure recently despite working two jobs, but she admitted it because she knew that honesty about our failures is where the testimony is.
The messages she wanted to leave us with were threefold. She thanked the advocates without HIV in the room but challenged us all to never let anybody else fight our own fight when we have the power to do so (Amen, but it also reminded me I’m quite glad to have an advocate in Jesus and the Holy Spirit in those times when I just can't do it). Always have a plan for taking care of yourself and your health. Be willing to humbly verbalize your needs, have friends that will cover you in prayer for these needs, then be patient and wait to see how God is going to take care of you.
I could not help but notice how God’s truth rang through these stories. Each day we have the choice of speaking words of life or words of death over others. Please choose life because those do not return void, even if we never see the results for ourselves. Always choose grace because it is only by God’s mercy that any of us can stand. Testify God’s truth in your life because that is what gives others hope and brings Him glory. I know without a doubt God is faithful to give us beauty for ashes, gladness for mourning, and a garment of praise instead of heaviness (Isaiah 61:3)
However, there is another layer to this. A layer that goes past the true but somewhat Sunday School answers above. I have to ask myself whether I am this brave. Could I be honest about my sin and my mess, especially if it could wind up on ABC 33/40 at 5pm? Even if it was to give hope to others? If it was the stuff I don’t want to talk about instead of the stuff I am willing to share that makes people think I am showing vulnerability? Even though I love to tell of the other markers of grace in my life? I honestly don’t know, but I have a fear that my need to preserve my good reputation and please others would say no.
I know God never embarrasses us, and I don’t think He’s asking me to put my life’s confessions on youtube, but I am challenged today to wonder how strong I am willing to let Him be in my weakness.
By the way, did I mention today was also a lot of fun? I mean, I got to hang out with these folks all day, have awkward jazz hands, and go to Steak and Shake. What could be better?
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