**Disclaimer** - I mean this entry as a vulnerable piece of honesty in figuring out life and ministry - not to beg for attention or be full of myself or anything remotely like that. It's a little long and slightly more personal than usual. Just saying.
I have an obsession with beauty. Not in the plastic surgery kind of way, more in the broad and theological sort of way. I truly believe that beauty belongs in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. As human beings, we need beauty for life, in our environment, in other people, everywhere. I believe God intended it that way. I believe true beauty is rooted in Him and He reveals himself through it. I also believe that women are representatives of God’s beauty on earth and that’s why the enemy attacks us there.
I know you’ll be surprised to hear this – but I tend to over think this topic. I think about how different cultures perceive beauty, how we as humans respond to it when we see it, how we strive for it, what really counts as beautiful, its use as currency, and how we answer to God for what we do with the beauty each of us has. I also think beauty is so much more than physical appearance, that it is a spiritual ageless presence.
I’ve had a long and windy (windey?) road with beauty, but what woman hasn’t? I grew up largely viewing beauty as a liability. Something desired but that brought danger and consequences. It was something I found often abused, so I decided to instead stifle it and prove I could do anything in an almost gender-blind sort of way. That is, when I acknowledged having any of it at all to stifle.
I have always known physical beauty was fleeting, so I resisted putting any stock or identity in it (again – aside from the usual female thing of constantly comparing myself to others and finding myself sometimes lacking). Women want everyone to think they are beautiful. We may loathe admitting it, but every time we meet a new person, we wonder whether they think we are beautiful. We are not very fond of hearing it from the creepy people, but we wonder. But, I always thought – if I need to be complimented every day or told I’m beautiful every day and I base myself on that alone – I will be trapped in a futile and destructive cycle. I also knew I would not have much focus on character development and that aging would not be kind. Seems I’ve always known beauty is not a magic pill. And it doesn’t guarantee that you get what you want.
Sadly, I did not believe that I really had noticeably beautiful traits until my mid-twenties. Before then, I honestly thought some weird lie that I was only pretty to nice people at church or the elderly in nursing homes. It seems like a waste of some good youthful years, but it also seems like most girls these days have fully exploited (or let others exploit) any scrap of their beauty by age 24. A night of observing young women on The Strip shows that for sure. So, maybe I was spared a little.
Once I finally believed “Hey, maybe I’m not ugly”, I approached it from a completely academic point of view. Believing that God knits us together intentionally; I felt that any influence we have, and beauty is most definitely influence, should be used according to His purposes. Then I viewed it as a gift and a calling that must be responsibly used as a blessing in the world. I feel that the KT Tunstall song “Suddenly I See” summarizes this effect on others accurately. If you are pretty, people notice, so step it up and hold your end of the bargain – make them feel special.
I have a friend that has been extremely frustrated with me about all of this, wondering why I can’t simply be thankful for anything I may have, stop thinking so much, and just strut what I got. I admit this is a topic that I can’t seem to “just be” with. Every time I think I’ve come so far, I have a time where I really struggle. I enjoy discovering and drawing attention to the beauty in other women, but I also have to fight the lies I feel about myself and know that acknowledging another woman’s beauty far from steals any of my own.
I know where the recent struggle is rooted. I’m approaching another birthday, processing feelings of rejection, and live in a town full of exceptionally gorgeous college-age women. I know I need to give myself a dose of my own medicine and read some scriptures and get my focus on the right things, be still, be thankful, and know who I am. I am always most at peace when I pray my beauty be found in Him. I think I just wrote all of this because I needed to get it out for my own good, and because I think women need to honest about these things.
If you’ve read this really long post – I hope you were encouraged by it. I hope the Holy Spirit whispers in your ear all day long about how fearfully and wonderfully made you are, because it is true.
I know you’ll be surprised to hear this – but I tend to over think this topic. I think about how different cultures perceive beauty, how we as humans respond to it when we see it, how we strive for it, what really counts as beautiful, its use as currency, and how we answer to God for what we do with the beauty each of us has. I also think beauty is so much more than physical appearance, that it is a spiritual ageless presence.
I’ve had a long and windy (windey?) road with beauty, but what woman hasn’t? I grew up largely viewing beauty as a liability. Something desired but that brought danger and consequences. It was something I found often abused, so I decided to instead stifle it and prove I could do anything in an almost gender-blind sort of way. That is, when I acknowledged having any of it at all to stifle.
I have always known physical beauty was fleeting, so I resisted putting any stock or identity in it (again – aside from the usual female thing of constantly comparing myself to others and finding myself sometimes lacking). Women want everyone to think they are beautiful. We may loathe admitting it, but every time we meet a new person, we wonder whether they think we are beautiful. We are not very fond of hearing it from the creepy people, but we wonder. But, I always thought – if I need to be complimented every day or told I’m beautiful every day and I base myself on that alone – I will be trapped in a futile and destructive cycle. I also knew I would not have much focus on character development and that aging would not be kind. Seems I’ve always known beauty is not a magic pill. And it doesn’t guarantee that you get what you want.
Sadly, I did not believe that I really had noticeably beautiful traits until my mid-twenties. Before then, I honestly thought some weird lie that I was only pretty to nice people at church or the elderly in nursing homes. It seems like a waste of some good youthful years, but it also seems like most girls these days have fully exploited (or let others exploit) any scrap of their beauty by age 24. A night of observing young women on The Strip shows that for sure. So, maybe I was spared a little.
Once I finally believed “Hey, maybe I’m not ugly”, I approached it from a completely academic point of view. Believing that God knits us together intentionally; I felt that any influence we have, and beauty is most definitely influence, should be used according to His purposes. Then I viewed it as a gift and a calling that must be responsibly used as a blessing in the world. I feel that the KT Tunstall song “Suddenly I See” summarizes this effect on others accurately. If you are pretty, people notice, so step it up and hold your end of the bargain – make them feel special.
I have a friend that has been extremely frustrated with me about all of this, wondering why I can’t simply be thankful for anything I may have, stop thinking so much, and just strut what I got. I admit this is a topic that I can’t seem to “just be” with. Every time I think I’ve come so far, I have a time where I really struggle. I enjoy discovering and drawing attention to the beauty in other women, but I also have to fight the lies I feel about myself and know that acknowledging another woman’s beauty far from steals any of my own.
I know where the recent struggle is rooted. I’m approaching another birthday, processing feelings of rejection, and live in a town full of exceptionally gorgeous college-age women. I know I need to give myself a dose of my own medicine and read some scriptures and get my focus on the right things, be still, be thankful, and know who I am. I am always most at peace when I pray my beauty be found in Him. I think I just wrote all of this because I needed to get it out for my own good, and because I think women need to honest about these things.
If you’ve read this really long post – I hope you were encouraged by it. I hope the Holy Spirit whispers in your ear all day long about how fearfully and wonderfully made you are, because it is true.
Photo - an older woman on my garden tour of Monticello. She has a beautiful presence.
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