I may be one of Pavlov's dogs

Image from: http://www.dog-paw-print.com/dog-treat-recipes.html

I am continually learning about myself when it comes to approval and criticism. Taking undergrad classes and returning to dance & art have shown that that I still hang on words of positive affirmation from my teachers and react like a little kid that just got a scratch-n-sniff sticker when I hear them. You would have thought I’d won the Nobel Peace Prize when Miss Tessa gave me a compliment in tap a couple of weeks ago or when Susan thought I made good use of gold shimmer overlay on my still-life pears.

I am also learning that I have new perceptions of criticism. It doesn’t crush me like once before, and it doesn’t always make me rebel, but it’s a new challenge every time I face it. I’m trying to view criticism as new opportunities for growth and perspective. Trying :-). I just left a meeting where someone I was working with had been frustrated with something I had done in the fall and she just let me know and asked that I not do it again. At first, I freaked out a bit. Then, I realized she was still choosing to work with me when she didn’t have to, and was also saying very positive things in addition to this one request.

My relationship with my sister is giving me perspective on this as well. She is 11 years older than me, and until recently, we hadn’t lived in the same town since she went to college the summer before I started 3rd grade. So, to me she was the glamorous big sister that I sometimes saw only twice a year. This meant that any criticism from her carried extra weight and would stay with me for the next 6 months until I saw her again and got another chance. Now, we are both adults and we go to the same church so I see her at least once a week. This repeated exposure has let me realize that usually she just says stuff, has no earthly clue how it comes out or that I could take it personally, and she has completely forgotten about it a minute later. I’m not a disappointment to her at all, it’s just that she doesn’t have much of a filter and she tells you everything she observes – be it a pimple, a gray hair, or a cute outfit or new eyeshadow color.

So, I’m trying to figure these things out in the world of adult-hood. How often do I do things that may or may not be a good use of my time just because I want affirmation? And how do I take constructive criticism or work with others without taking everything personally?