Oh, it's EASTER

Want a sad glimpse into my brain?  Here it is anyway :).  I found myself working late and stressed at how much work I’d need to do over the weekend.  Then a leaving coworker wished me Happy Easter on her way out, which reminded me that today was technically a holiday in my life and that I’d be working even more this weekend.  I finally gave up on work and went to Target, despite the fact that I should have known I was primed for an in-store breakdown. 

I was there for one thing and trying my best to remind myself that I’m really truly following my budget this month.  However, in the back of my mind I was thinking that Easter really meant I needed to come up with two nursery-friendly-church-work-yet-pretty outfits.  And everything is about color and wedge heels this year and it seems like mass media won’t let you forget it.  And I go to church with all of those gorgeous, skinny, young girls with their parents’ credit cards…  

So, first I went to shoes.  You see, I also have a color-themed event to attend in over a month, but I’ve been putting together outfit options in my mind for at least three months and I keep wanting to buy something new (even though I already own something to wear and keep reminding myself that) and a really bright shoe (wedge or platform, of course) could be just the thing.  And shouldn’t a girl have at least one new thing for Easter?  And shouldn’t I at least wear a dress on Easter?  After trying on a couple of pair, I left the shoe department.  But I left because I decided I could get a pop of color with accessories for a smaller price.  

Oh, there were so many colorful accessories (bracelets, necklaces, and wristlets – oh my!) that could be put together in so many ways, but when would they clash and when would they complement? And, there was one scarf left that looked like an African made scarf I want but that costs too much, so should I get this one instead?  How much time did I spend there and how many times did I pick something up and put it back?  Thankfully, not enough for the security guard to come ask me how I was doing.  

Somewhere near the end of the accessory debacle I decided I could just use fun nailpolish to include color and be modern without spending money.  I was kind of proud of this conclusion and headed over to get the groceries that I remembered I legitimately needed.  (Does your head hurt now?  Sorry).

On the way home, I decided I simply must have some sort of chocolate candy blizzard concoction to live and calm down all this internal stress.  Simply must.  As in a biological necessity.

Graciously, while waiting in the drive-thru for said blizzard, these words came playing through my iphone:

 “Jesus at the center of it all. 
 Jesus at the center of it all. 
From beginning to the end, it will always be, it’s always been you Jesus. 
Nothing else matters. 
Nothing in this world will do...”

Then my brain went “Oh, it’s Good Friday”, and not in the “observe it as a calendar day” kind of way.  I said to myself, “I haven’t been thinking of Easter today.”  Yes, I had thought of the calendar day and the culture - how I did indeed need two workable outfits and how my family wasn’t doing anything so it would just be another work day.  I had thought about how good I hoped my Sunday nap to be.  I had thought about how a magenta necklace would be gorgeous with a white dress but would totally clash with a purple seersucker blazer.  Three hours before I had self-righteously told a rich girl how she needed to better understand American poverty.  But had I acknowledged Jesus in any of that?  

My morning Holy Week tweet did not make up for my afternoon loss of purpose and vision.   

Coming out of Target without impulse items that blow my budget will not save my soul.  Pretty nailpolish did not hang on a cross for my sins.

My prayer for you this weekend is that you will have a moment where Easter and all of its miraculous mystery weighs upon you in that yoke is easy and burden is light kind of way that only God’s grace can.

Song - Jesus at the Center by Israel and New Breed