A Year

Tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of the tornadoes.  I don't like writing that sentence.  I imagine folks that live here and lived through it don't want to read that sentence.  The town is kind of a weird place to be this week.  Do we acknowledge the event, or not?  Talk about it, or don't?  Make ourselves pause to formally observe what's been unavoidably in our face for a year, or act like it's just another day?  Cry, or act super resilient? 
I guess I had to answer these questions last week whether I wanted to or not, leading a conference about it and all.  We saw the videos, heard the stories, and honored the heroes.  (Or at least, others did.  I was most often running around the building in heels and rarely pausing to listen).  While in the process of herding the cats of the day, I was part of a moment that seemed almost holy.  A moment where I felt I didn't belong but felt too blessed by to move because I knew I would be relenting the gift of standing there.  Three of the men that were undeniably big heroes that day were standing together for the first time post event and discussing it collectively for the first time.  Stating whether they knew their families were safe while they were saving others (thousands of others - literally).  Sharing whether they had talked about that day with their wives.  Questioning whether they had dealt with it yet.  Admitting they had plans to go dark and to not be here on the anniversary.
I didn't belong in that conversation.  I also knew that I would be in big trouble with my boss if I didn't make sure these men received their lunch and that I may not be able to walk away since I was frozen, so I didn't walk away, but took 3 steps back - so I was still in the circle but slightly out of it and rallying all that was in me to not let the tears welling in my eyes go down my face,  and then keep going down my face.  I will always be grateful to have been standing there.

......

So, how do I plan to observe this anniversary?  I think I'm choosing the rally around life option.  I'm not going to any memorials and am not planning to watch any of the documentaries.  I'm not even going to my student's convocation program.  I am going to the wedding shower of sweet friends - sweet friends that were displaced that day and really just want to have a party.  Then, I am walking in the Mayor's Cup for our pre-K programs, a 5k race that I signed up for last year but was canceled by the tornado.  I expect half the town will be there.  Hopefully, I'll even catch one of our town's first Dragon Boat races and focus on the reasons why so many people decided to stay in this town - eventhough it was ripped to pieces.