Human Water Balloon?

Where to start with this?  After years of boughts with fainting (at such convenient places as the White House and Mardi Gras) and general dizziness, I finally put the puzzle pieces together and saw a doctor about it.  Seems as though that underappreciated autonomic nervous system of mine doesn't always get my blood flowing back up to my brain.  There is medicine for this, which at first I hesitated about, but then found to be quite effective.  Turns out, I don't have to plan around a daily exhaustion/anxiety attack between the hours of 3-6 pm.  I can now do such things during these hours as:  remember people's names, complete sentences, and solve problems.  I don't even have to shiver after eating.  Fascinating stuff.

However, the doctor did warn that this medicine, particularly when combined with the recommended increase in salt and fluid intake, could lead to some puffy-ness.  Perhaps even some swelling of the ankles (oh my).  I thought surely this was a small and vain price to pay.  I know that this is still true, but then there are days like today - when the puffy is mixed with respiratory stuffy-ness and I feel a bit like I'm drowning and my pants don't really fit (and no - the pants not fitting have nothing to do with that batch of my Momma's homeade fudge - whether I ate it all or not).  Today, I feel like the Michellin man, or a human water balloon as stated above.  Like I should stay away from all sharp corners and sewing needles to avoid puncture.

I am a big believer in words of life and positive self-talk, so I'm trying to give this a good spin.  At first I thought I could just refer to myself as Elle McPuffypherson - so then I could think I am a fierce swimsuit model of fluid retention.  I agree that this is perhaps reaching too far.  So, maybe I'll think of myself as a mermaid instead.  I mean, they're meant to live in salt water, so surely they have issues with bloating when they sprout legs to walk around land and fall in love with princes, which is how I spend my day-to-day life anyhow so really we have a lot in common.  Mermaid it is.