These Are My Confessions

I have a confession to make. I just bought a Twix bar from the vending machine in the staff lounge next door. And I ate the whole thing. This is not the first time I’ve done this. I wouldn’t even call it uncommon anymore.

You might be saying, “So what?” The so what is, I’m a certified health educator. I’m supposed to be working tirelessly to limit access to junk food in work places and schools across the country, not give the machine my money. Much less purchase a candy bar inside a medical center – where a candy bar should never be! Furthermore, I’m a Weight Watchers Lifetime Member, and I didn’t even try to count those points.

At first, I was afraid for people to even see me near the vending machines. But now, I live in junk food freedom. While possibly counterintuitive, I view this as a victory. It means I’m not afraid anymore and it means I’m celebrating my independence from food by eating food that I want.

I grew up as the chubby kid in the class with the pediatricians that kept telling my mom to watch my weight. She did a great job of feeding us fresh, well-balanced, homemade meals and limiting me to one piece of candy or sweet item a day. However, this made “off-limits” foods taboo for me, and this lasted for years.

I remember a very telling moment in graduate school, when the girl in the desk next to me bought M&Ms from the vending machine during a night-class break, and then continued to eat them as though it was nothing while chatting with the other girls. It blew my mind. Here was a very pretty, thin, smart young woman publicly buying and eating M&Ms without any shame. I felt like I was watching a white rhino walk down the street. How could this be possible? I remember thinking “Is it possible that I too could buy M&Ms from the vending machine? And eat them? And it be ok?”

Fast forward 9 years, and here I am continuing to maintain my lowest weight since elementary school while buying Twix bars from the vending machine. Am I a stick? No. Do I have to really work at it? Yes. Am I healthy and happy? You bet.

image: marshealthyliving.com