What if I'm the One?

There is a song on Amy Grant's Legacy:  Hymns of Faith album called "What You Already Own".  The story about this song has always stuck with me because she wrote it at the time of her public divorce and new marriage.  She said she was pondering the following scripture:
Matthew 18:12
"What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray and gets lost, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountain and go in search of the one that is lost?"

She asked the Lord, "What about me?  What if I've always been one of the faithful 99 but then become the one that is lost?  Will you still come rescue me?"  Being a life-long churched Christian and leader, she wondered if that grace and that pursuit was for too or only the lost that were never believers.

This story has always stuck with me because it was a question I'd never heard anyone in the church talk about.  I didn't get it then because I was an official youth group goodie-goodie and a student leader at a Southern Baptist university.  My regimented life of cultural and social faith had not allowed for such things. (Which was a huge blessing though not necessarily the real world). 

Now, as an official bonafide adult, it resonates deep in my bones.  In fact, it seems to be my question of the moment and certainly my question for the new year.  There's so much of the cross I need.  I've been looking around and it seems like the only reformation and forgiveness model for the modern evangelical is to make a really unfortunate and public mistake, cry about it on CNN, write a book, then maybe get a reality show.  Yet, I haven't found this in the Sermon on the Mount or anywhere else in the New Testament as the way for the faithful yet flawed Christian to accept forgiveness, grace, and mercy. 

What if after 27 years of genuine relationship, you're convicted that sometimes you still break God's heart and you're not sure what to do with that?

So, why aren't we talking about this or am I just late to the conversation?

If you'd like, here's a couple of great blogs on this topic by Jon Acuff:
Why People Think Christians are Fake #3

Fearing We'll Out sin Grace

And here are the lyrics to the song Amy wrote:
I give you my heart broken and bruised
But still beating strong and wanting to trust you
I know I'm unfaithful
I know I do wrong
Do you protect what you already own?

I give you my body
Naked and meek
Burning with passion
Human and weak
I try to be faithful
Then I go wrong
Can you protect what you already own?
Can you protect what you already own?

Oooh Oooh Oooh Oooh

I know I'm unfaithful
I know I do wrong
Do you protect what you already own?

I give you my life
Precious and rare
Knowing wherever I've been, you were there
Sometimes I'm faithful
Sometimes I'm strong
Will you protect what you already own?

Oooh Oooh Oooh Oooh

I will be faithful
Help me be strong
'Cause you will protect what you already own
You still protect what you already own