I'm Sorry

You know it's a big 'ol joke that I say I'm sorry all the time.  I've tried to reduce the number of times I say it and add some self-control to those words that just come flying out of my mouth.  Yes, a lot of the sorrys have come from that ugly people-pleasing monster that is trying to be perfect and be all things to everyone.  Yes, it's an apology for having my own personality.  But for me, I realized it was often apologizing for existing, for being here and taking up some of the oxygen and space on earth.  That realization will make you go "Holy cow, what am I doing??!!"

I previously mentioned the Grace for the Good Girl summer book club.  Here is what Emily Freeman had to say today about saying you're sorry:

the chapter that isn’t in the book – hiding behind her apologies

One interaction I am not surprised to see during our discussion so far is how many of us apologize for stuff – from being too honest to not reading the chapters on time. It’s actually kind of funny, if you think about it. Put a crowd of good girls in a room (even a Facebook room) and we’re bound to start apologizing for things we feel ashamed of.

In a way, obsessively apologizing is part of the hiding. We sorry our way right out of our own personalities. We apologize for not being fine. We apologize for needing help. We apologize for being emotional, inarticulate, not having answers. Sometimes we even apologize for apologizing.
When guests come over, have you ever heard yourself pointing out the mess to them and apologizing for all the imperfections even though you know that they probably don’t care and it doesn’t really matter?

When the dinner dishes still sit in the sink from dinner two nights ago, do you hear yourself apologize to your husband for it, almost like you want to point out the flaws first before he gets a chance to do it even though he’s not that kind of guy?

I completely accept your flaws but I am strictly opposed to my own. What I’m really saying is, Attention everyone! I have a very important announcement to make – I am a human being and I am ever so sorry about that.
But a true sorry is not about me. Saying sorry is a bad idea when it is used to cover up our beautiful, vulnerable, fragile humanity.

Save the apologies for real wounds, for soul sorrow, for widow grief. Save the apologies for when you really wreck things up and need to seek forgiveness. Save them for when we need to hear it. Otherwise your apology is just an empty space filler, something you are expected to say like, “I’m fine, how are you?”