How to Eat an Egg McMuffin

1.) Be very excited that Saturday gives you the opportunity to both sleep in and get an Egg McMuffin.

2.) Get out of bed and throw a leash on the dog. Attire is a matter of season, as in the fall and winter months a sweatshirt thrown over your pajamas is completely acceptable.

3.) Race to the McDonalds with the more friendly employees, making sure to get there before 10:30.

4.) Order an Egg McMuffin and a coffee. Request a packet of strawberry preserves.

5.) Upon receiving the coffee, open the vent to make sure it is given as much time as possible to cool. That lady sued them for a reason.

6.) Drive home and bring the food inside, taking extra care not to dump your coffee in the floor as soon as you come in the front door. This will make you very sad and you’ll have to make your own coffee at home, minus the indulgent 3 creams and 3 sugars that the friendly employees had placed in the one now being enjoyed by the carpet.

7.) Unwrap the Egg McMuffin, and proceed to cut the yellow egg yolk stuff out of the egg layer, because eggs are gross.

8.) Fill the little crater created by removing the egg yolk with the sweet, fruit-like goodness of the stuff found in the strawberry preserves packet.

9.) Reassemble the breakfast sandwich and eat.

10.) Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy.