You know those "I'm trying to make life less crazy and yet it's crazy so I'm going to eat this entire box of Whole Foods organic lemon wafer cookies" days? Yeah, it was one of those.
The words "nurture" and "nourishment" have been rolling around in my soul for a while now, but I'm unsure I've officially done anything about them yet. I've realized it's as though I've totally forgotten how to take care of myself. This sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I've tried, but something real needs to change instead of being an illusion of change.
This is why I'm leading the Bread & Wine Supper club. In hopes it will get me towards getting back to the basics of care. And food. Or food that isn't standing in a room shoving cookies in my mouth.
Today was such a reminder of this need. I was at work, knowing I had a 4 hour video conference to be a part of and knowing I'd need food but not knowing what or how to get it. I started thinking about what would be quickest, cheapest and "best" and realized what I really wanted was to go home and boil and mash some potatoes. Or make a giant pot of soup and pour it over some cornbread. Maybe even, dare I say it, have an entree and two sides and a glass of tea! I desperately wanted a meal. So, I decided to cook something for dinner.
Of course, I wound up working late, which wasn't looking good for the meal I planned. Still, I went to the store for a few things. Now, y'all, I don't know the last time I ate sausage pinwheels. They were the signature dish of one of my second mothers growing up and my mom mentioned them the other day. I had never personally made them. As an adult, I most often avoid sausage. But I left Winn Dixie with the ingredients for sausage pinwheels and made them like a starved dog. I mean, I turned on the stove light and watched them cook and stared down the timer. Then ate four of them. Like I was in a race.
I don't want to think about whether they were a healthy choice for my heart and my rear end, but they revealed a need. If I'm tempted to eat hot, half-baked dough just to have something real and comforting and homemade then there is a problem.
So, we'll see what happens and how long it will stick this round. All I know is I actually cooked and did 2 loads of laundry that I folded when I took out of the dryer - so I've won my own personal Super Bowl. Good night.
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